A Summer to Remember
by Only Hope-7
Summary: What happened the summer after Landon Carter's senior year?It picks up where the movie left off. COMPLETE!
1. Prologue-Chapter 5

[img]http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid29/pf94ef58e2a45a7196b990050b5 6043bb/fded9d73.gif[/img]  
  
Prologue  
  
Every once in a while, someone walks into your life and changes it forever. For me, that girl was Jamie Sullivan. Now, you all know my story. How my life changed the spring of my senior year at Beaufort High, but what you don't know is what happened the summer following that year. It was the best summer of my life…my last summer with Jamie.  
  
So now we go back to that unforgettable day. I'm standing nervously at the altar, surrounded by friends and family. My dad is the closet to me as my best man. And as the music begins, the church doors open, and I see Jamie. My Jamie. Suddenly, my nervousness fades and peace overcomes me. She slowly makes her way closer to me, a graceful smile lighting her face, and all I can think about is how much I love her. She stops in front of me, her father taking his place in front of us. I take her hand in mine and mouth an "I love you." And she says she loves me back.  
  
And so on that day with tear filled eyes, I swore to love and cherish Jamie Elizabeth Sullivan, in sickness and in health, all the days of my life. By the way, just for the record, I had every intention of keeping the promise for the rest of my life.  
  
Chapter One  
  
Early summer came. The soft sunlight was peering in through the curtains. My eyes fluttered open, my thoughts in blur. Taking in my surroundings, I realized that I wasn't in my old bed. Calmness overcame me when I remembered yesterday; I had married Jamie yesterday. Jamie. My thoughts immediately went to her. I quickly shifted my head to the right to find her sleeping peacefully next to me. Her breathing was steady; her face looked so soft in the sunlight. I couldn't help smiling as I looked down at her adoringly. My hand traveled up to her cheek, brushing it gently. Feeling my touch, her eyes slowly opened. She smiled at me, her brown eyes staring at me for a few moments before she spoke. "Good morning." My smile grew at her small voice, and I leaned down and kissed her.  
  
"Good morning to you too. How do you feel?" Her eyes closed briefly and she smiled contently.  
  
"I feel…absolutely perfect." My eyes fell, feeling as though she was trying to spare me, but when I looked at her again, I knew she wasn't.  
  
Because for Jamie… she was feeling perfect. That's just how she was. Her body may have been weak but her soul wasn't. I stared at her for a little while in amazement. She was so happy and filled with such joy. Just enjoying each day for what it was worth.  
  
"I love you." I told her with a shallow breath and she smiled at me again.  
  
"And I love you. Thank you." She added and I furrowed my brow in curiosity.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For making my number one come true." My heart clinched and I closed my eyes attempting to fight my emotions.  
  
"How am I going to make it without you?" I asked. Her hand rose to my face and caressed it gently.  
  
"With faith." She whispered. I looked away and sat up fully, my face going into my hands. I felt her fingers on my shoulder. "It's true you know." I looked at her again, and I knew she meant it. My lips curved up slightly and I nodded. Jamie brought herself closer to me and pressed into my back, her chin resting on my shoulder.  
  
"Do you ever wonder about time? I mean if you could freeze one moment in your life and make it last…what would it be?" I questioned. Jamie cocked her head where she could see my face, and spoke without thought.  
  
"This… right here with you." I stared at her in wonder. Jamie only smiled at me. "What about you?" I paused for a second, and then leaned my head back slightly to see her.  
  
"I guess any moment that I've spent with you." Her mouth curved up.  
  
"You don't have a specific one?" She asked lightly.  
  
"Well…let's see there's the one where I fell in love with you…and our first date… oh yeah, and who could forget the night in the cemetery…" She giggled slightly and I managed to laugh a little as well. "But seriously, I liked marrying you." My eyes roamed her face; her gentle expressions making me love her even more.  
  
"You did?" She questioned in almost an honored way. I looked down and back up at her again and said…  
  
"I think it was the best moment of my life."  
  
Chapter Two  
  
My summer with Jamie was perfect. It was so serene…I guess that would be the word for it. Maybe because for those few months, I didn't worry about the other things in life. Instead I took each day for what it was, not knowing if it would be my last with Jamie. Since she had become so weak we couldn't do a lot of things, but we tried to have an outing each day. Sometimes we would just go for a drive, but it was still doing something. Even though some might think that would be boring, not doing much all summer long, I couldn't disagree more. Because for me, I had never lived so much in my entire life.  
  
Each moment spent with Jamie was filled with more life and more love than I could have ever imagined. By just sitting and listening to her talk, I learned so much. When I first found out that Jamie was sick, my world crumbled, even when we married I was saddened that she would be leaving me soon. But Jamie…Jamie taught me to be at peace with the situation. Through her love, her joy, and her constant faith.  
  
I remember one day in particular. Jamie and I had been married about a week, and we decided to have a picnic. So there we were, sitting on the same blanket we had only weeks before, and I couldn't take my eyes off her. We had enjoyed our lunch and were now sitting in the peaceful sun. Jamie was resting on her palms, her head back slightly and her eyes closed. I was lying on my elbow, watching her with a grin. I think she must have felt my eyes on her because she opened one eye suspiciously and soon laughed.  
  
"Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face?" She asked and I shook my head.  
  
"No…no your face is perfect." I breathed. Jamie tilted her head with a prying smile.  
  
"Then what?"  
  
"You just look so peaceful." I told her somewhat amazed.  
  
"I am." I looked back up at her surprised in a sense. I knew she wasn't lying, I just couldn't grasp the fact that she was okay with everything, but she was.  
  
"How?"  
  
"Landon how can I not? How can I not be at peace with God's plan?" Her voice was so soft when she spoke. I looked up at her almost shocked. She sat there patiently while I absorbed her words.  
  
"I do believe you know. I just have a hard time excepting that you're going to be taken away from me." I admitted. Jamie's hand went to my cheek, her fingers then made their way into my hair.  
  
"Landon I'll always be with you…always." She promised.  
  
"I never thought about it like that." Jamie's next words penetrated straight to my soul. I know that sounds crazy, but it still gives me chills to think about it.  
  
"You're my angel on earth and when I die…I can be yours." She said it with such hope in her voice… almost pleasure. I can remember the tight feeling in my throat at that moment, and the over flowing love that I felt for her. My hands went to her face lovingly, and I was finally able to speak after what seemed like an eternity.  
  
"Don't you know that you already are?"  
  
Chapter Three  
  
I guess you're probably wondering where Jamie and I lived once we were married. My father actually came through again. He paid for us to rent a place for the summer. Although we were all praying for a miracle, we knew that Jamie wouldn't be with us much longer.  
  
I found her reading on the porch one evening and knew that it would be the perfect opportunity to give her my present. I walked out into the summer air casually. The door hinges made a slight sound, but Jamie didn't look up. She was reading her book intently. It was another one off Mr. Rothman's list. I shook my head and approached her. She was curled up in a white wicker chair; her hair pulled back, her eyes steadily moving back and forth on the page. I took a seat in the chair next to her and spoke.  
  
"How's the book?" Jamie looked up startled. She smiled the next the breath.  
  
"Oh hey…I didn't hear you come up." I smiled at her, leaning forward in my chair.  
  
"Listen I wanted to give you this." I held out the wrapped box and she looked at me curiously.  
  
"What is it?" She asked, taking it from my hands.  
  
"You have a tendency to ask that." I commented amused, referring to when I gave her the pink sweater. She laughed at the thought and began opening the box. Her smile faded as she looked at the gift admirably. It was a book, similar to her mother's, only it was ready for Jamie to fill it with her own thoughts. She carefully lifted it, tracing her fingers over the soft design of colors on the cover. "I…I thought you could uh…you know…fill it with your thoughts…and sorta leave something behind like your mother did." I stopped talking or stumbling shall I say. Jamie shook her head once, every so slowly. Her glistening eyes rose finally and stared at me. I stared back nervously waiting for her response.  
  
"This is wonderful…thank you." She whispered. She looked so touched; I was so glad I had gotten it for her. Jamie's eyes fell once more, and I wondered what she was thinking. But she looked up again the next moment. "You're so good to me." She breathed. I smiled, my eyes watching her intently. I leaned over a few moments later and kissed her gently. We stared at each other again and smiled. It was such a content feeling.  
  
"Landon would you mind getting me some tea?" She requested softly.  
  
"Sure." I kissed her head and then stood. We smiled again as I went inside. I had a feeling that Jamie wanted to make her first journal entry, I just had no idea how much that entry would later to mean to me.  
  
Chapter Four  
  
I found Jamie sleeping on the couch when I got home one day. I told the nurse she could leave and then I tended to Jamie. I smiled at the sight of her. She was holding some wrinkled paper in her hand. Obviously, she had fallen asleep reading it. I carefully removed it from her tiny hand and laid it on the coffee table. I then gently lifted her in my arms and carried her to the bedroom. She stirred slightly when I laid her down, but didn't wake. I covered her with a blanket and kissed her head. Jamie always had such a peace about her, but she always looked the most peaceful in her sleep.  
  
I did a few things around the house and soon took a seat on the couch. My eyes caught the papers that Jamie had been holding. Picking it up, I scanned it quickly. My breath caught in the back of my throat when I realized what it was. It was, in fact, Jamie's list for her life. She had made check marks by the things she had already accomplished. I was proud to see that the biggest check belonged to her number one. One that I had helped come true.  
  
I read down the page, past being in two places at once, past getting a tattoo…I laughed when I saw a check by number forty-two: "Befriend someone I don't like." Yet another one I helped her accomplish. My heart sank when I realized how many things on her list wouldn't come true. There were things on there that she would never be able to do…things she didn't have enough time to do. But I immediately began thinking about Jamie's perspective on this matter. In her mind, it didn't matter what she wouldn't be able to do, what mattered was what she had done, and she had done a lot.  
  
A new idea sprang into my head the next moment. I needed to find all the things that I could still make come true for her. I began looking over the list again. My eyes stopped at number twenty-three. "To be kissed on a bridge at sunset." I smiled; Jamie's tru.e girl side was showing in this dream. Nevertheless, it was something I had control over. I continued to look through the list, making mental notes of the ones I could manage. Jamie woke up an hour later, so I put the list down and went to her soft call.  
  
"Hey." I said quietly and received a sweet smile.  
  
"Hi." Jamie whispered back as I walked towards her, taking a seat on the bed and kissing her cheek. "How long have I been asleep?"  
  
"Well, you've been asleep for an hour since I've been home." I told her and she nodded.  
  
"So…what have you been up to?" She asked casually. Sudden guilt over came me. Maybe I shouldn't have been reading her list. After all, it was very personal. I intended on telling her, but I decided to wait to tell her since it would ruin my little surprise. "Just a little reading." She nodded once more, and looked down briefly. I placed my hand over hers.  
  
"Say…do you feel up to a little outing?" I asked and received an immediate smile.  
  
"Definitely." She said with a positive nod of her head. Jamie and I had a quiet dinner that night, and then I drove her to the bridge. Our bridge. It was where we kissed for the first time, and I thought it only appropriate this time as well. The sun was just beginning to set as I put the car in park. I could tell Jamie had no idea what I was doing which made me even more anxious.  
  
"So…can you walk or do you need me to carry you?" I asked. Jamie paused for a moment and then turned to me.  
  
"I think I'd like to walk tonight." She decided thoughtfully.  
  
"Okay." I helped her out of the car and kept a secure hold around her waist. We slowly walked across the bridge and stopped at our spot. Jamie sighed contently.  
  
"Every time I come to this place it reminds of who is responsible for it all." I watched her for a moment. She never ceased to amaze me with her genuine words. I turned her towards me and wrapped my arms around her. Our faces were inched apart as I spoke.  
  
"Twenty-three." I said making Jamie cock her head in confusion.  
  
"Twenty-three?" She repeated.  
  
"Here… let me show you." I whispered as my lips descended upon hers. That kiss lasted for what seemed like an eternity. It was filled with love, joy and hope…just like Jamie always talked about. When we pulled away, Jamie had a strange smile on her face.  
  
"You peeked." She said with a cute smirk.  
  
"I peeked. I'm sorry." I admitted, inhaling quickly.  
  
"What, for making another dream come true?" Jamie questioned with appreciation in her voice.  
  
"I just didn't want you to be upset that I read your personal list." But I could see in her eyes that she wasn't upset at all. She was just the opposite in fact. Her expression was gentle and filled with pleasure.  
  
"Landon what's mine is yours." She breathed. I know at that moment that my eyes must have been burning with love for her. I could almost feel the love rushing out of them, if that makes sense.  
  
"I love you." I told her softly, the words catching in my throat. She smiled once more as my lips fell to hers again.  
  
Chapter Five  
  
When I went to bed later that night, Jamie was already in bed writing in her journal. I slipped under the covers beside her and stared at her for a few moments. She was concentrating thoughtfully on her words that she was composing. "So I guess you're enjoying my present." I said conversationally. She turned at my words with a smile.  
  
"Very much."  
  
"So what are you writing?" I attempted to find out with a prying grin. Jamie looked at me with a tiny smirk on her face.  
  
"Well I'd tell but uh… then I'd have to kill you." Laughter erupted immediately after she finished her sentence.  
  
"Now where have I heard that before?" Jamie paused as if in deep thought.  
  
"I don't know…probably from a very wise person."  
  
"Probably." I agreed, the last bit of laughter escaping my mouth. There was a brief silence before I spoke again. "Hey are you tired?"  
  
"Nope." Jamie said proudly.  
  
"Would you do something for me then?" I asked and Jamie smiled.  
  
"You know I will."  
  
"Would you sing for me?" I requested with a grin.  
  
"Sing for you?"  
  
"Yeah…I want to hear you sing the song that made me fall in love with you." Jamie paused, searching my eyes and then gave a single nod.  
  
"All right." She agreed softly as she stood and walked to my side of the bed, taking a seat on the edge. I rested against the pillows and listened to her sweet voice sing the words to that unforgettable song.  
  
"There's a song that's inside of my soul  
  
It's the one that I've tried to write  
  
over and over again  
  
I'm awake and in the infinite cold  
  
But You sing to me over and over and  
  
over again"  
  
My eyes closed as the chorus began.  
  
"So I lay my head back down  
  
And I lift my hands  
  
And pray to be only Yours  
  
I pray to be only Yours  
  
I know now You're my only hope  
  
Sing to me of the song of the stars  
  
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing  
  
and laughing again  
  
When it feels like my dreams are so far  
  
Sing to me of the plans that You have  
  
for me over again  
  
So I lay my head back down  
  
And I lift my hands  
  
And pray to be only Yours  
  
I pray to be only Yours  
  
I know now You're my only hope  
  
I felt sadness overcome me when I realized that this would be the last time I would hear her sing these words.  
  
I give you my destiny  
  
I'm giving You all of me  
  
I want Your symphony  
  
Singing in all that I am  
  
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back  
  
So I lay my head back down  
  
And I lift my hands  
  
And pray to be only yours  
  
I pray to be only yours  
  
I pray to be only Yours  
  
I know now You're my only hope…"  
  
Jamie finished the song softly. I looked at her in silence for a while. Her mouth slightly turned up in the corner, her eyes were shining down on me with love. My hand slowly rose to her smooth shoulder that was only covered with a thin, silky strap. My thumb glided across the softness of her skin, then my hand made its way up to her neck and then her cheek. Jamie's eyes closed for a brief moment at the sensation. When she opened them again, they were filled with tears.  
  
"Baby I'm sorry…I didn't mean to make you cry." I apologized, but Jamie shook her head.  
  
"No…no…it's just…" Her brow furrowed as her eyes fell.  
  
"Just what?" I asked concerned. Jamie finally looked at me and took a deep breath through her tears.  
  
"I'm afraid." She told me.  
  
"Baby of what?" My heart ached for her, but she surprised me with her next statement.  
  
"Landon I'm not afraid to die. I'm just afraid for you."  
  
"For me?" I questioned confused.  
  
"Landon I need to know…if I'm going to see you again someday." She barley got the last words out. I could tell in was very difficult for her to say, but I knew she didn't mean it judgmentally in any way. She was truly concerned for my salvation, and that touched me deeply.  
  
"Jamie I know that when I saw you that night in the cemetery I was lost…but I believe now. I believe." I whispered.  
  
"Do you believe in miracles?" Was her next question. I smiled slightly.  
  
"How could I not when one's sitting right in front of me?" Her features softened even more.  
  
"Oh Landon I just needed to hear you say you believe now. I knew you did…I guess I just needed to hear it from you." She had relief in her voice and I could see how pleased she was.  
  
"You know I didn't think it was possible for me to love you more, but you've proven me wrong. I love you…I love you so much." My next breath was shared with Jamie as her lips fell to mine suddenly. Her hands were on my face, her fingers in my hair. My own hand intertwined in her long hair, my other bracing her back as she leaned into me. Our kiss continued to grow. I can't possibly begin to describe the love that Jamie and I knew at that moment. I can only say that even though Jamie's life was slowly slipping away…our love was continuing to grow more and more.  
  
TBC  
  
Song Credit: "Only Hope"-Mandy Moore-Written by Jonathan Foreman 


	2. Chapters Six-Ten

I disclaim! I do not own the characters. (  
  
Chapter Six  
  
The sun was just beginning to rise when I woke up the next morning. I inhaled deeply, shifting slightly and planning to go back to sleep. But then I realized that Jamie wasn't lying next to me. I sat up in bed and scanned the room, then I called out her name, but there was no response. So I tossed the covers back and went to look for her.  
  
I found Jamie on the porch watching the sunrise. Her white robe hung loosely on her; her hair was slightly blowing in the wind. I slowly walked up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist as my chin dropped to her shoulder. She jerked slightly, but immediately relaxed when she realized that it was me. She rested her head against my chest and I could see her eyes closing out of the corner of my own eye. "I'm surprised you're awake." She commented softly.  
  
"Well I wasn't until I turned over and realized I was alone." I told her, my voice light.  
  
"Sorry." She apologized.  
  
"Don't be. I wouldn't have given up the sight I just saw a few minutes ago when I found you here." She turned and looked at me with curiosity.  
  
"What'd you see?"  
  
"Mmm…it looked like this angel standing in the early morning sun." I grinned at her.  
  
"I think you give me to much credit." She said shaking her head.  
  
"Oh that's not possible." I responded.  
  
"The white robe probably had something to do with it." Jamie commented, her tone light as well.  
  
"Or it could have just been you." I replied in seriousness that made her look at me suddenly.  
  
"I love you." She whispered.  
  
"I love you too." I told her easily. Moments later I felt her slightly wobble. I automatically pulled my head from hers. "Hey…you okay?" I asked concerned.  
  
"Yeah I just lost my balance…uh maybe we could sit for a little while." I hated to see how weak she was, but I didn't want her to know how much it upset me.  
  
"Sure." I gently sat on one of the chairs, bringing Jamie down on my lap. She scooted her long figure close, her lengthy legs hanging over mine. "Better?"  
  
"Mmm…much." She sighed deeply. "The morning sunrise is so beautiful. I wanted to make a point of seeing it at least one more time." My eyes closed in pain at the thought of Jamie's passing. I prayed every night that God would allow us more time together, but I just didn't know what his plan was. Jamie didn't either. The difference was she was peaceful about it…where as I was still searching for that peace.  
  
I could feel Jamie's muscles relaxing even more, which caused me to look at her. Her eyes had fallen, but I could tell she wasn't asleep. "You want to go back to bed?" I asked now that the sun had fully risen. Jamie nodded, her arm naturally going around my neck. I lifted her gently and carried her inside. Jamie's free arm hung limply at her side, brushing my hand that was bracing her lower back. Her head was resting in the crook of my neck and I could feel her small breaths tickling it. By the time I reached the bedroom, Jamie was asleep.  
  
I joined her in bed, enclosing her from behind in my arms. Jamie was sleeping contently, but my mind was whirling. My eyes suddenly fell to her left shoulder. It was the shoulder I had given her the fake tattoo on not that long ago. How could so much have happened in such a short time? This was the best part of my life, and it was going to leave as quickly as it came. My thoughts wandered to the future, and how I would be able to make this moving statement in speech or something. I would say that the best part of my life came and went like the wind. The wind. Jamie had said to me that night that believing was like the wind. She couldn't see it, but she could feel it.  
  
That was it! I had just had a revelation. I finally saw a clear picture of what Jamie had been talking about. The true meaning of faith… not always knowing all the answers, but being content of who was in control. I drifted off into a peaceful sleep knowing that though someday Jamie would be gone, she would indeed always be with me. Because just like the wind…I wouldn't always be able to see her, but I would always feel her love in my life.  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
Sometimes I wondered why I loved Jamie so much. Was it because she was different than the rest, or because she believed in me, or because she saved my life? Or was just because she was simply the best person I had ever known? I quickly came to the conclusion that it was all of the above and much, much more. For Jamie was beautiful on the inside and out, and all I had to do was look at her and I would find myself falling more in love with her, if that were possible.  
  
A few days had passed since we watched the sunrise together. I quietly entered the bedroom where Jamie was still soundly sleeping. I stared at her for a little while, and couldn't stop the growing smile on my face. I had fallen hard for Jamie Sullivan…I mean Carter. Sometimes I would almost forget that she was actually my wife now. It was always nice when it occurred to me that we now shared the same last name. I walked over to her and took a seat beside her. "Jamie…Jamie Baby…wake up." I said softly. Her eyes slowly fluttered opened, and she soon smiled.  
  
"I'm sorry to wake you, but my mom called and she wanted to know if we wanted to come over for lunch. I didn't know if you were up to it or not." I explained.  
  
"Oh lunch with your mother sounds wonderful." Jamie replied immediately and I grinned.  
  
"Good." I said with a nod, my hands covering hers lovingly.  
  
"What time is it?" Jamie asked suddenly, turning her head in attempt to see the clock.  
  
"A little past eleven." I told her.  
  
"I better get ready." She began to sit up, but I could tell she didn't feel very well.  
  
"Here…" I whispered, helping her sit up. My hands went to her face. "Are you all right?" I asked softly, my eyes searching hers. Jamie closed her eyes briefly and took a breath.  
  
"I'll be fine…really. Would you mind helping me get ready?" She asked as if it were a major inconvenience for me. All I could do was give her a small smile. I would have done anything to help her, anything at all. I would have traded places with her if I could.  
  
"Sure." I said without having to take any thought. My hand went to her waist as I lead her to the bathroom. Thirty minutes later, we were on our way to my mom's house. Jamie was riding quietly and looking out the window. I stole a few glances at her when I got the chance. She was wearing a light yellow sundress that fell right above her knees, and of course, her pink sweater. "Jamie are you sure you're feeling okay?" I asked again with concern.  
  
"Oh I'm fine Landon….I'm just thinking." She said softly, her eyes going back to the passing scenery.  
  
"About what?" I asked without pressure.  
  
"You." She whispered.  
  
"Me? Why?" I questioned, keeping my eyes on the road.  
  
"You seem a little different the past few days. It's not a bad different…it's not really different... I'm not really sure what I mean. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?"  
  
"I think I do."  
  
"Okay, tell me." She shifted towards me with interest.  
  
"I think I finally found the peace I was looking for." I told her.  
  
"Landon that's wonderful!" There was no hiding the joy in her voice.  
  
"I have you to thank." I said causing Jamie to pause.  
  
"Why?" She asked breathlessly.  
  
"Well you helped me find it." Jamie only stared at me. "Jamie you've saved my life." I added, gratefulness apparent in my voice. And once again, Jamie said something that amazed me.  
  
"You know what…I think you saved mine." I was speechless. We rode in silence the rest of the way, but it was a content silence. Jamie knew she had touched me yet again. And I knew that my words were special to her as well. I think that was one of the best things about our relationship. We gave to each other so freely. Our words meant so much. My relationship with Jamie was like no other.  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
It was strange walking up the steps to the house I had called home for so long. I planned to leave it after I graduated any way, but never would I have thought that I would leave for the reasons I did. My number one was to get out Beaufort. I had even told Jamie that on our first date. But as I walked up those familiar steps, Jamie's hand in mine, I knew that Beaufort was the only place I wanted to be right then. For as long as Jamie was with me, I was perfectly content in the small town of Beaufort, North Carolina.  
  
I knocked on the front door. My mom opened it a few seconds later with a smile on her face. "Landon, oh honey…" She said embracing me, and I of course reciprocated. Then my mom's eyes turned to Jamie. There was such admiration in them. "Jamie…" She said taking Jamie in her arms. "How are you dear?" Mom asked when their hug ended.  
  
"I'm okay thank you." Jamie smiled pleasantly while my hand rubbed her back gently.  
  
"Well you two come on in." My eyes searched the room. Everything was the same as it was when I left it. I don't know why I expected it to look any different; I hadn't been gone that long. It just felt like I had led another life there in a way. It wasn't a bad life by any means, but it was nothing compared to my life with Jamie. The amazing part was that life had only begun a few months before. So little time had passed and yet I had learned so much.  
  
The three of us had a wonderful lunch together. I was in the presence of my two favorite women in the world and I couldn't have been happier. I watched Jamie in awe as she told a story to my mom. Her eyes lit up as she recalled a memory from her childhood. The thought of not having her joy in my life everyday made me sick to my stomach, but then I remembered that God was in control of the situation, and calmness overcame me. I felt even better knowing that this would please Jamie.  
  
The house sat by the water, as you probably know. So after we finished up with my mom, I decided to have a little surprise for Jamie. "Landon where are you taking me?" She asked, laughter in her voice.  
  
"It's a surprise." Was all I offered with a grin.  
  
"You are crazy!" She exclaimed.  
  
"About you."  
  
"That's not what I meant."  
  
"But it is what I meant." I retorted, leaving Jamie without words. She remained silent as I led her to our destination.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Oh Landon…it's so beautiful!" Jamie breathed, taking in the view of the water, from the small ferry. I slipped my arm around her waist, and looked at our surroundings.  
  
"It sure is." I agreed quietly. I had ridden the ferry more than once, but this was the first time I was getting to see the view from Jamie's eyes. It was much better. Jamie brought things to life in a new way. She looked at life as a gift, even her illness… something that I could never have imagined without her. "Are you happy?" I asked in a low voice. Jamie looked at me, love filling her eyes.  
  
"I'm so happy…you've made me so happy." She whispered causing a lump to form in the back of my throat.  
  
"Jamie…" I barely got her name out. She looked at me again.  
  
"Mmm?" I looked down for a second composing my thoughts.  
  
"I never knew I could love someone this much. I never thought I could open my heart in the way that I have." Jamie stared at me, touched by my words. "I love you Jamie…I love you so much." I couldn't help the tears that had formed in my eyes. Jamie gently leaned her forehead to mine, just like she had done before.  
  
"I love you." She said in a shaky voice. My arms immediately engulfed her desperately. Jamie held onto me tightly, burying her head by my neck. We stood like that for a long time. Our hearts were so close… physically and emotionally. I didn't want to ever think of a time when I couldn't feel her thin frame in mine so I pushed those thoughts away and just focused on the present. Jamie was with me, and I certainly wasn't going to take that for granted.  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
It's been said that in tough times you learn who your true friends are. Eric had ended up coming through for me. Dean had even tried to make amends. I was actually surprised at how people's hearts had changed through the situation with Jamie. However, I was about to be more surprised at one's heart in particular.  
  
Jamie and I were watching some TV together one night. Some days were better than others for her, and that today had not been a good one. So we had just stayed home the whole day, but I wasn't complaining. Even when she didn't feel well, Jamie always kept a good attitude. It was one of the many things I loved about her. We were surprised when someone knocked at the door suddenly. "Well I guess I better get it." I said, releasing Jamie from my arms.  
  
I was surprised to see Dean on the other side of the door. We stared at each other for a while, neither knowing what to say. It was Jamie's voice that brought us out of our trance. "Landon, who is it?" I shook my head slightly, inviting Dean in. Jamie had a surprised look on her face as well, but rather than staring as I had done, she spoke welcomingly.  
  
"Dean…what a nice surprise." She said with a smile.  
  
"Yeah I…uh thought I'd stop by…see how you two were doing." He stumbled nervously.  
  
"We're doing well thanks. Would you like something to drink?" She asked.  
  
"Uh no thanks."  
  
"Have a seat man." I finally managed to say. Dean looked down for a few minutes and then finally looked at Jamie.  
  
"Look I'm here to apologize. Landon I know we've cleared things up, but um…well Jamie I've never told you how sorry I am for all the things I said and did to you." Jamie only sat quietly and listened. "Truth is I've been scared to come here and face you…I guess I've sorta been ashamed. I guess what I'm trying to say is…well do you think you could ever find it in your heart to forgive me?"  
  
"Dean don't you know that I already have?" I watched Dean stare at her in amazement, and smiled to myself. Jamie wasn't bitter about anything. She wasn't holding a grudge when she had a right to. I was the one having trouble letting go of my anger, but how could I hold on to it after what I had just heard. I then saw Jamie take my searching friend into her arms, and hug him as if he had done nothing wrong. She had truly forgiven him, and I guess I was then able to as well.  
  
When their hug ended Dean smiled. Jamie offered a small smile as well and then turned to me. "Landon I think I better turn in for the night." She said tiredly.  
  
"Yeah that's a good idea." I agreed rising from my seat.  
  
"Dean I'm so glad you stopped by tonight." She told him sincerely.  
  
"Me too. I guess I better get going." He said standing up.  
  
"No don't leave on my account. Why don't you and Landon catch up?" Jamie suggested and then looked at me.  
  
"That's a good idea." I agreed.  
  
"Okay." He said sitting back down. I knew Jamie couldn't walk on her own that night so without asking I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to the bedroom. I knew Dean noticed how weak she must have been, and I know it got to him. I also know that he saw another side of me just then that bonded our friendship even more.  
  
I tucked Jamie in bed almost as if she were a child. She sighed with a smile as soon as she got situated. "I love you." She whispered. I smiled and leaned down and kissed her.  
  
"Thank you for what you did in there just now."  
  
"It was nothing." She said humbly.  
  
"No it was just you being you, and that's a very special thing." Jamie smiled serenely at me. "Get some rest. I love you." I whispered and kissed her once more. I think Jamie was asleep by the time I left the room. When I walked back into the living room I found Dean sitting silently on the couch. When he heard me enter the room, he looked up immediately.  
  
"How is she?" He asked as I took a seat in the chair.  
  
"She's asleep. She has her good days and bad days; today was a bad day." I let out a deep breath. "I hate to see her so weak." There was no hiding the pain in my voice.  
  
"Landon I see now." Dean said with a sigh.  
  
"See what?" I questioned.  
  
"Why you fell in love with her." I nodded, not knowing how to respond. "She's very special."  
  
"Yeah." I breathed. "She's the best thing that's ever happened to me." I stared ahead of me; Dean did the same. There wasn't any need for eye contact.  
  
"We all are sorry for what we did."  
  
"I know man…don't worry about okay? It's over…in the past. Jamie's not holding a grudge and neither am I." I turned me head to him. We silently understood each other.  
  
"I gotta go…" Dean finally said.  
  
"All right." I walked him to the door.  
  
"We'll talk soon." He told me.  
  
"Yeah." As Dean started walking away I felt the overwhelming urge to stop him. "Hey Dean…" He halted his walk and turned to me.  
  
"Yep?"  
  
"Thank you." I said genuinely. He gave a lop sided smile and left a few moments later. I closed the door with a peaceful feeling. I had done the right thing, and it felt very good.  
  
Chapter Ten  
  
I found myself always watching Jamie as she slept. I don't know exactly why I did, but I could always find peace watching her rest. Maybe because it was a time when I could just stare at the contours of her delicate face. Or maybe it was because I was simply in love this precious gift. Jamie woke up one morning to find me watching her as I usually did. She smiled immediately, stretching slightly. "How long have you been here?" She asked.  
  
"I don't know…I could stare at you all day." I said adoringly.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't know…it's crazy isn't it?" I looked down, biting my mouth.  
  
"Not really." This caused me to look at her again.  
  
"Does it bother you?" I questioned unsure of myself.  
  
"No." She replied simply, her voice congenial. I grinned, taking her hands in mine.  
  
"Hey you know I've been thinking, and I need to ask you something."  
  
"Okay." Jamie sat up slightly, ready to listen. I paused briefly and then looked at her awaiting face.  
  
"Would you… like to go on a honeymoon?" Jamie stared at me at first, but then a pleasant smile came to her face. It was similar to the one she gave me when I proposed. I think it could be best described as a combination of surprise, admiration, joy and love. Yes…I'll never forget it.  
  
Jamie's brown eyes shined up at me, I smiled briefly before our lips touched. I looked at her once more, my thumb gently rubbing her cheek. We both smiled again. "Are you serious about this?" She asked through her smile.  
  
"Of course I'm serious. You deserve a honeymoon." She smiled again. I crawled in the bed with her and she shifted so her back was to me, my arms encircling her. "So where will we go? I don't think I can go too far." She commented as I rocked her back and forth gently.  
  
"We don't have to go far at all. It really doesn't matter where we go as long as we're together." I could see her mouth curving up from my peripheral vision.  
  
"I've never really been that far outside of Beaufort." She said.  
  
"But you have been in two places at once." I reminded.  
  
"Yes I have." She said with satisfaction.  
  
"Hey why don't we get out a map and pick a place nearby." I suggested, getting up.  
  
"Okay." She agreed and waited as I got a map from the drawer. I then climbed back in bed and resumed our position.  
  
"Let's see…so where shall we go?" I asked.  
  
"Mmm…you choose." She said in the same tone she used when I asked her to pick which tattoo she wanted.  
  
"Let's choose together." I said softly.  
  
"All right." She whispered, excitement in her voice.  
  
"Now… we can go to Lake Waccamaw or even down to Carolina Beach…Myrtle Beach is probably too far…" Jamie tilted her head looking at the map.  
  
"Mmm…how 'bout Wrightsville Beach? It's just a little east of Wilmington and we could stop in Winter City on our way there…" She thought and then looked at me for approval.  
  
"Sounds like a plan…okay Wrightsville Beach here we come." I smiled brightly. Jamie turned herself around so that she was now facing me.  
  
"This wonderful Landon…thank you." She told me with gratitude.  
  
"It's nothing." I said, not feeling as though I had done much.  
  
"But it means so much." I inhaled shakily before taking her in my arms. Stroking her hair, I whispered in her ear. "I love you so much Jamie…I love you." Jamie pulled back and looked at me. Her hands rested on my face, her thumbs caressed my lower lip.  
  
"I love you Landon Rollins Carter." She breathed before I captured her lips with mine. One of her arms went around my neck, the other hand stayed on my face. My left arm braced her back as I leaned on my right palm for support. There was such love between Jamie and me. It's hard to believe that so much emotion could be wrapped in only a few months. You know… our dreams may have been cut short, but our love certainly wasn't.  
  
TBC- And I looked on an actual map for those places…so they do exist. 


	3. Chapters 11-14

Chapter Eleven  
  
I don't know why I hadn't thought of taking Jamie on a honeymoon sooner. I mean…it's a tradition after you get married. I guess I was so consumed with the fact that Jamie was sick and us not having much time together that I didn't take a vacation into consideration. Well, I'm glad I did eventually think of it. Jamie was so excited about getting to go somewhere. We packed our things, made the arrangements and then headed out the next morning in my Camaro.  
  
Jamie and I were good traveling companions. For the first time in my life, a car trip was actually fun. I guess it was because Jamie and I just enjoyed being together. What we had was so special. We'd talk, listen to music, and then sometimes the pleasant sound of silence filled the air as Jamie wrote in her journal or read one of her books. Yep…everything about that trip was perfect.  
  
"Landon?" Jamie suddenly broke the silence while I was driving.  
  
"Yes love?"  
  
"I never asked you how things went with Dean after I went to bed." I was somewhat surprised that she brought that up, but that was just Jamie being Jamie.  
  
"Umm…it went…well actually." I told her.  
  
"Really?" She asked pleased.  
  
"Yeah…I uh…felt really good about our visit." I added with a half grin.  
  
"I'm glad. Maybe we could invite him to church with us." That comment through me for a loop. Jamie had said it in all seriousness and with such sweetness in her voice. She never stopped amazing me.  
  
"You never stop do you?" I questioned.  
  
"Stop what?" She furrowed her brow.  
  
"Stop caring for others." I said in wonder.  
  
"How could I?" She asked honestly with a slight shake of her head.  
  
"I don't know…you just really don't hold any bitterness or anything." And once again, she came back with a profound response.  
  
"Bitterness only hurts ourselves not the person you're bitter at."  
  
"I never thought about it like that." I think I had the same expression on my face as I did the night on the bridge where Jamie was talking about believing and all. It was just one of those times when I was almost speechless by her calm words.  
  
"Life's too short to waste it on hard feelings." She finished with a small smile.  
  
"Yeah…" We smiled at each other. "So…have you been writing anything interesting over there?" I decided to lighten the mood a little.  
  
"Mmm…you'll find out one day." I didn't know exactly what she meant by that, but I didn't ask any more questions.  
  
"Well there's the hotel up ahead." I commented.  
  
"This is going to be fun. Thanks again for bringing me." Jamie said gratefully.  
  
"No problem." Ten minutes later, we were standing in the lobby checking in.  
  
"May I help you sir?" The desk clerk asked.  
  
"Uh yes…Mr. and Mrs. Carter." I said proudly with my arm around Jamie's waist. Jamie smiled up at me.  
  
"Ah yes…the honeymoon suit." The man smirked. Jamie and I held our laughter. The bellboy arrived and escorted us to our room.  
  
"Did you see the look he gave us?" Jamie whispered in my ear, pleasure in her voice.  
  
"Yep…it was priceless." I grinned.  
  
"I didn't know you requested the honeymoon suit." She told me surprised. She was obviously pleased, but at the same time it was unexpected.  
  
"Of course I did. Surely you didn't expect anything less." I winked at her.  
  
"Here we are." The bellboy said, unlocking the door. I tipped him and then closed the door. Jamie was standing by the window with a smile on her face.  
  
"Oh Landon the view's gorgeous!" She said with joy.  
  
"Sure is." I breathed. Jamie looked at me to see that I was staring at her.  
  
"I love you." She whispered. My hand cupped the back of her head as my lips fell to hers. It was the beginning of… like I said…a perfect trip.  
  
Chapter Twelve  
  
Jamie and I managed to do some sight seeing. I'm not sure how she did it, but Jamie seemed to find the energy even though she was so sick. We went back to our suit that afternoon laughing about something meaningless. Jamie stopped laughing when she saw the large bouquet of flowers sitting on the table. I stood in silence as she read the note attached to them. "Oh Landon you didn't have to do this." She said softly in admiration.  
  
"I know, but I wanted to." I said with a small grin.  
  
"They're beautiful. Thank you." She whispered.  
  
"You're welcome." I told her.  
  
"But why do they say Happy Valentines Day on them? It's the middle of the summer." Jamie questioned with a slight tilt of her head.  
  
"I know…I just thought we'd go ahead and celebrate Valentines since…" I then began fumbling over my words. "Well since…you probably…I mean we probably won't be able to…because you'll…oh man I'm sorry Jamie. I don't know what I'm saying…I didn't me to bring up that…" I felt so stupid for saying that. What an idiot I was. I might as well have just said, 'Well Jamie since you're going to die before Valentines let's go ahead and celebrate it.' It was so heartless of me, and I wouldn't have hurt her for the world. But Jamie wasn't hurt by it. She knew my heart and understood where I was coming from.  
  
"Landon, Landon…it's okay." Her hands went to my face. "It's okay." She whispered again, but I couldn't speak. "Landon I'm going to die…I'm going to die." She told my ever so softly and yet matter of fact.  
  
"Let's not talk about it okay." I said, walking away.  
  
"I think maybe we need to." Jamie responded calmly.  
  
"No Jamie…no. I don't want to think about this right now. I just want to enjoy the present okay?" I knew where she was going with this and I just didn't want to go there. I knew I needed to, but it was all too painful. Jamie was going to die and that was a fact, so why did we have to dwell on that? But I knew why.  
  
"Landon…" Jamie continued softly. I don't know what happened, but something inside of me snapped. Not really at her, but at the situation. However, I took my anger out on Jamie.  
  
"Jamie I said no!" I yelled, silencing her, and I regretted it the next moment. I sat on the bed, putting my face in my hands. But Jamie didn't give up on me. She walked and sat on her knees behind me. Her arms hung loosely around my neck and onto my shoulders, and her face went to my head. She placed a soft kiss in my hair, and then her face fell next to mine. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry." I told her desperately as she pulled me into an embrace.  
  
"Shhh…it's okay." She kept whispering over and over again, but I felt so ashamed.  
  
"Don't leave me Jamie…please don't leave me." I begged, well sobbed is more like it.  
  
"I would if I could, but I don't have a choice. You know I'd love to stay with you forever." I pulled back slightly so I could see her face. Her eyes were so comforting, her voice so soothing. It just wasn't enough though.  
  
"I don't know how I'm going to be able to let you go." I whispered.  
  
"You're going to have to." She said softly.  
  
"How Jamie…how? How do I let the best thing that's ever happened to me go?" My eyes searched hers, my jaw tense.  
  
"Landon…" Jamie began, but I knew what she was going to say.  
  
"And I don't want to talk about faith and all that because I know all about that. And I've really found peace in the situation lately…and I've been okay with the fact that you're…that you're well…" I couldn't bring myself to saying it, but Jamie said it for me.  
  
"I'm going to die Landon…just say it." Her voice was firm, not harsh, but firm.  
  
"No because then that makes it real…and I don't want it to be real!" My voice level rose again.  
  
"We have to face the facts Landon…" Jamie shot back.  
  
"Maybe it doesn't bother you that you're going to die but it bothers me…" I responded in the way that I had when she first told me she was sick.  
  
"Stop it…just stop it!" I had never heard Jamie raise her voice like that, and I closed my mouth immediately. Jamie had begun to cry and I just wanted to crawl up in a corner because I'm the one that had brought her to that point.  
  
"Landon…I'm not always okay with the fact that I'm sick. Sometimes I find myself asking God why He's chosen this plan for my life. But then…then I remember that though He's given me a shorter life than others, He's filled it with so many wonderful gifts…the biggest gift being you." Jamie caught her breath and continued.  
  
"I have been dealing with this illness for over two years now, and I would go through all of the pain and suffering again… just to be with you. And I admit that sometimes I wish that I could just live a normal life, but then I think about how God sent you to me, and I know why He's chosen this for me. Because if I had a choice, live a full life without you or die having had your love… I would choose death in a heartbeat." Jamie wiped her eyes and remained silent. And I was absolutely speechless. Her words had penetrated my soul. She had just put every feeling and thought into words in a way that I would have never imagined.  
  
"You know…one of the many things I admire about you is your peace with God. And for a long time I was trying to find that peace. Then one morning it hit me…I found the peace I had been looking for…I found it in you." Her features were so soft at my words.  
  
"Really?" She smiled.  
  
"Yes…and things have been a lot easier to deal with lately. It's just sometimes…I don't know…I take over instead of giving it to God." My eyes fell.  
  
"We're only human." She said understandingly.  
  
"Yeah…anyway, I'm glad we had this talk…I mean…I've been needing to let all that out."  
  
"I'm glad. Landon please don't ever be afraid to tell me these things."  
  
"I know I just didn't want to remind you and you know..." My eyes fell again, but Jamie tilted her head so she could see my face.  
  
"Listen, I don't want you walking on eggshells around me…I won't break you know." She said with a smirk.  
  
"I know." I heaved slightly, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Some Valentines huh?" I commented deflated at the mess I had made of things.  
  
"Hey…it couldn't have been better. Thank you." I looked up at Jamie and could tell she was sincere. Satisfaction took doubt's place inside of me.  
  
"So…" I said, not knowing where to take the conversation.  
  
"So…" Jamie interjected as well. I looked up at her with a sudden idea.  
  
"You wanna celebrate Christmas now?" I grinned and laughter soon erupted from both of us. Jamie threw her arms around me, knocking backwards on the bed. She soon began kissing me and the rest is history.  
  
Chapter Thirteen  
  
When I woke up the next morning, I kept my eyes closed for a few moments. I felt Jamie lying next to me, her small hand resting on my chest as she slept contently. When my eyes did open, I found Jamie's own eyes stretched upward so she could see me. I smiled at her; I was usually the first to awaken, so it was a pleasant change.  
  
"Hey." I breathed glad she was awake.  
  
"Hi." She grinned, her chin resting near my shoulder.  
  
"How are you feeling?" I seemed to ask her that quite often, but I always felt the need to.  
  
"I feel really good actually. It's probably because I'm so happy." She told me, making my heart swell.  
  
"Well are you hungry?"  
  
"A little." She admitted. "But I really don't want to move." She added and neither did I for that matter.  
  
"We'll just order room service." I suggested.  
  
"Um Landon, that's kind of expensive." Jamie said hesitantly, just like on our first date.  
  
"Hey don't worry about it. This is our honeymoon remember?" I winked.  
  
"K…" She smiled, tucking her hand under head, but remaining on my shoulder. I reached over to the phone, and ordered some breakfast. After my task was done, I turned my attention back to Jamie. Her cute brown eyes were looking up at me adoringly, and I couldn't think of a thing to say. I only could gaze at her with a smile.  
  
"Landon?"  
  
"Yeah?" Jamie bit her lower lip.  
  
"Could you…oh never mind…" She shook her head.  
  
"What?" I asked, a smile growing on my face.  
  
"It's silly…" She buried her head in my neck briefly, and I laughed.  
  
"What is it?" I asked, again amused. Jamie lifted her head, biting her mouth again.  
  
"Would you tell me a story?" Her expression looked like that of a small child's. It was priceless.  
  
"Tell you a story? That's what you wanted to ask me?" I was surprised and was still very amused.  
  
"Mmm…when I was little, my dad always used to tell me stories and I don't know…it just kind of would be nice right now." And how could I say no to that?  
  
"Okay, I can do that." I grinned. Jamie got an excited look on her face as she lay back down, her head resting on my chest. "So…what story do you want to hear?" I asked. Jamie stretched her eyes up at me again.  
  
"Our story. Tell me the story of us." She requested breathlessly. I paused briefly and smiled at her.  
  
"Okay." I breathed wrapping my arm around her as Jamie's arm slipped across my abdomen. "So you see there was really good looking guy…" I began in a teasing tone, and Jamie nudged me with a laugh. "Just kidding…so seriously, there was this guy named Landon Carter, and he had known this girl named Jamie Sullivan for as long as he could remember."  
  
"Sounds like a good start." Jamie interjected playfully. I nodded.  
  
"Now Landon and Jamie had never been close…Landon was a bit of a rebel you see and Jamie was very proper. Then one day, Landon went too far and he got into big trouble, but it ended up bringing Jamie and him closer together. One of Landon's consequences was to participate in the spring play, and that is where he fell in love with Jamie."  
  
"How sweet." Jamie gave me an animated look so I played along.  
  
"But Jamie wasn't that convinced of Landon's heart change, so he had to prove himself. But it was well worth it…" I was interrupted by a knock at the door from room service.  
  
An hour and a breakfast later, my story came to a close. "And so Landon and Jamie were married in the church that her parents were married in, just as she had wished."  
  
"And then…" Jamie's brow rose.  
  
"And then… they spent an incredible summer together. A perfect summer." I finished softly. Jamie let out a long, peaceful sigh.  
  
"I like that story." She said snuggling closer to me.  
  
"Me too." I agreed lightly.  
  
"Thank you for telling it to me." She said in soft gratefulness.  
  
"Oh you're welcome…I liked telling it." Jamie smiled at me through her eyes. "So…I wonder what the weather's like?" I commented randomly. Jamie lifted her eyes to the window.  
  
"Mmm… looks pretty nice from the window." She responded with a smirk.  
  
"Do you feel like going to the beach?" I questioned.  
  
"That sounds wonderful. Some sun would be nice." Her hand rose to my chin and she kissed my sweetly. My hand traveled up and down her back gently as we stared at one another. "You know what?" She beamed.  
  
"What?" I asked, more in love with her than ever. Jamie sighed and said something that really summed everything up.  
  
"It just doesn't get any better than this."  
  
Chapter Fourteen  
  
With the soft sound of waves rolling in, Jamie and I sat on the beach's sandy surface. I was lying on my side, propped up by my elbow while Jamie sat with her knees drawn up slightly. She had a far off look in her eyes as she stared out ahead of her. I wish I had, had a camera to capture how she looked at that moment…with her hair blowing slightly in the breeze, the gentle smile on her face, and the way her eyes looked so peaceful at that moment. Jamie looked like an angel sitting there, and I remember finding a strange calmness in that.  
  
"What're you thinking about?" I finally asked.  
  
"Life." She simply replied never taking her eyes from the water.  
  
"What about life?" Was my next question. Jamie cocked her head, still staring straight ahead as if she were in a dream.  
  
"Sometimes I think… if I were guaranteed one more year on earth, what would I do with it…or five, or ten, or even twenty…"  
  
"And what would you do with them?" I asked.  
  
"Well they'd all have different scenarios I guess, but one thing would be a constant in all of them." She replied with certainty.  
  
"What's that?" She looked at me for the first time in the conversation.  
  
"I'd want to spend them with you." Her eyes were so loving and held such faith. How could I have been so lucky to have her love? I later learned that it wasn't luck, but a gift from God. For I knew that no matter how old I got, I would want to be married to Jamie, and it was so special to hear from her that she wanted the same thing.  
  
"So tell me…what else would you do?"  
  
"You really want to hear?" She asked surprised.  
  
"Of course I do." I assured her.  
  
"Well if I had five years, I'd go to college or I could join the peace core. Ten years would probably give me enough time to make that medical discovery…" I could tell her mind was wandering with many thoughts and I found it fascinating.  
  
"What about if you just had one year?" I asked softly. Jamie turned her eyes towards me and paused. I raised my brow urging her on, and she finally spoke in soft voice.  
  
"I'd have a baby." Her words hit me hard. I don't know why something like that hadn't occurred to me. Of course Jamie wanted to be a mother. Most women do, so why wouldn't she? Especially someone like Jamie. My heart ached knowing that it just wouldn't happen, short of a miracle.  
  
I forced all my thoughts aside and just focused on Jamie. My sweet Jamie. My hand went to her chin as my thumb caressed it gently. "Did I scare you?" She asked, knowing that, that wasn't what most eighteen-year-old guys wanted to talk about. Normally I wouldn't either, but that was before I fell in love with Jamie. I shook my head with a slight laugh.  
  
"No. I'd love to have a baby with you." I told her sincerely and I couldn't miss the pleasure in her eyes. It gave me a warm feeling inside.  
  
"I know it's crazy, but I'd feel better leaving knowing that a part of my is still living with you." I smiled at her, but then her eyes fell. "Then again, I wouldn't want to leave you with that responsibility." That hadn't even occurred to me. Because when I thought about the future, Jamie was the only thing I had a clear picture of.  
  
"How could you even think that?" I wanted to know.  
  
"Landon you have your whole life ahead of you." I sat up at this.  
  
"Look at me…" I softly commanded and she obeyed. "My life is with you." I whispered and she stared at me for a little while.  
  
"I love you Landon." She finally spoke barely above a whisper. I felt my breath catch in my throat, but I managed a faint smile. My hand went to her cheek, and then into her hair as I gently pulled her head close to mine, kissing it. Jamie and I then sat there in silence for a while, just staring at the waves. My arm rested on her still, bent knees while my fingers slowly danced on her smooth leg. For the first time, I began think about her legs. Now I know it's quite random, but nevertheless I found myself thinking about them. Jamie had beautiful legs and since she was wearing a shorter sundress, I was able to notice them.  
  
"You have very pretty legs. Did you know that?" I asked suddenly.  
  
"You like my legs?" She questioned with an amused smirk.  
  
"Yeah…" I grinned like a little boy.  
  
"I'm glad." She was near laughter and so was I. I looked at her legs again and then her face, and then we both lost it. Jamie fell back in the sand and I followed. Our laughter finally died minutes later, both our stomachs hurting. We both were lying on her backs now, our opposite hands joining us together. Seriousness filled the air as my thoughts drifted back to our conversation that had taken place earlier. What would our lives be like if we had more time together? I didn't know, and I would never find out. Only one thing was certain. I would never love anyone in the way I loved Jamie Sullivan-Carter.  
  
TBC 


	4. Chapters 15-17

Chapter Fifteen  
  
I took Jamie out to dinner that night, to a quaint and romantic restaurant in attempt to recreate our first date. I knew nothing would replace the memories of that night, but I also knew that we could make new ones as well. After we ordered our food, Jamie turned to me. Her eyes were as bright as her smile. To look at her, no one would have suspected she was sick. Sure she was a little thin, but she still seemed to have so much life left. Time wise, she didn't, but soul wise, she did.  
  
She wore a lightweight black dress with the pink sweater I had given her. She even wore her hair the same as she had on our first date, slightly pulled up in the front. She sighed contently; ready for whatever I had to say. "Are you happy?" I asked in a low voice.  
  
"Very." I met her hand across the table, rubbing it gently. "Are you happy?" She questioned a few moments later.  
  
"I can't think of a time that I've been happier than this." I told her genuinely, and a soft look of relief filled her eyes. Her eyes then wandered our surroundings admirably and landed on the dance floor. She bit her lip as she watched a few couples glide across the dance floor. I turned my head to see what she was looking at and then looked at her once more. I stood and walked a few steps over to her and held out my hand. "Dance with me." I whispered causing Jamie to beam at me. She slipped her hand in mine and slowly stood. Her free hand reached for mine and I instinctively took hold of it. I now held both her hands in mine and made sure she was all right. "Are you up to this?" I asked in a hushed voice.  
  
"Mmm…I fine." She told me.  
  
"Jamie if you're not up to this, I understand." She shook her head.  
  
"No I want to do this. It's important to me." I nodded, barely able to smile.  
  
"Okay." We made our way to the dance floor and I took Jamie into my arms. We danced slower than the other couples but we didn't mind. All that mattered was that Jamie was still in my arms, breathing steadily. I held her hand to my chest, my other hand giving her body some support. We danced for as long as Jamie could and returned to our table just as our food came. I helped Jamie into her seat and then took mine again across from her.  
  
"Thank you for the dance." She said extremely pleased.  
  
"You're welcome. I wouldn't even know how if it weren't for you. I wouldn't know a lot of things if it weren't for you." I ended on that thought. Jamie and I stared at each other for a few moments, no words needing to be spoken. We enjoyed the rest of our meal as the soft lights illuminated around us.  
  
After I paid the bill, I turned back to Jamie. "So what do you want to do now?" I asked. She paused and then grinned.  
  
"Take a moonlit walk on the beach." I couldn't help smiling back. "You know…like they do in the movies. I've always wanted to do that."  
  
"Is it on your list? I can't remember."  
  
"Sixty-Seven." She admitted with a tiny smirk.  
  
"Well then let's go make sixty-seven come true." I held out my hand and she once again took it.  
  
Once we made it to the beach, I wondered if Jamie would even be able to walk it. But she seemed to be holding up pretty well and she certainly wasn't complaining. But when did she? "Ready?" I asked. I watched Jamie remove her shoes before she spoke.  
  
"Ready." She confirmed and I decided to follow suit and remove my shoes as well. We then began slowly walking down the beach's sandy shore in each other's arms. It was like a scene from a movie. As the waves rolled in, we felt the sand's coldness between our toes. We walked in silence most of the way. I knew Jamie wanted to take in the scenery. She did stop at one point though and bent down, picked up some of the sand and then watched it run through her fingers. "Isn't it amazing how God created this sand?" She asked in wonder.  
  
"What do you mean?" I questioned curiously as Jamie continued to study the sand.  
  
"I mean…He's created it for us to walk on and also for telling time." She continued.  
  
"Telling time?" My brow furrowed.  
  
"Like in an hour glass. You watch the sand slowly slip away and then you know your time's up." I pondered on her words, but she spoke again before I could say anything. "You know I just thought of something."  
  
"What's that?" I wanted to know, kneeling down next to her.  
  
"Life is like sand in a way." She scooped some up in her hand. "If you hold onto it too tightly, it slips away, but if you just let it be, then you can hold onto it longer. And eventually, you just have to let it go." Jamie's voice was very soft as she finished and she left me speechless. In a way, she had just summed up her illness, her life. I think that it was the first time it really hit me. I knew it before, but I could accept it now, one day I was just going to have let Jamie go.  
  
Chapter Sixteen  
  
Jamie and I returned home from our honeymoon on Friday of that week. It had been a memorable trip, and I was so thankful that we had that time together. Jamie soon brought up the suggestion again of inviting Dean to church with us that Sunday. I could tell it was important to her, so how could I refuse?  
  
After all, it was Dean's salvation we were talking about. Though I didn't know his heart, nor did Jamie. But he did not attend church on a regular basis like some of my other friends. My friends… the friends that had been so heartless to Jamie. And yet, she didn't look at it that way. To her, they were a part of me therefore they were a part of her. She had forgiven them of course, and I had come to forgive them as well. So I found myself that evening dialing a number that I hadn't in a while.  
  
When Sunday rolled around, Jamie and I were sitting in the pew with no sign of Dean. He was hesitant on the phone, but when I mentioned that Jamie wanted him to come, he said he'd do his best to make it. And oh how I hoped he would. But my reasons were selfish; I wanted him there because it was something Jamie wanted, when I should have wanted him there because of his salvation. As we rose to sing the opening hymns, the anger inside of me grew. How dare he not show up? Did he not care that Jamie wouldn't be with us much longer? Jamie. I looked over at her at that point. She was singing the hymn joyfully. Her angelic voice sang the words, "It is well…it is well with my soul…". Then it hit me. My anger and bitterness went away just by hearing those words come from her mouth. Because to Jamie, it was more than a song. She meant those words with all her heart.  
  
Then I suddenly felt someone's presence beside me. It was Dean. He gave a crooked smile and I gave him an understanding look. Jamie then realized he had joined us, a soft smile lighting her face. She reached across me giving Dean's hand a slight squeeze. Her eyes then rose to me with such happiness and love in them. I looked at her with great pride. No doubt, she was the most amazing person I had ever met, and she was mine.  
  
As we were singing the last hymn, before the sermon started, Jamie sat down suddenly. It was something she never did during the service, and panic filled my stomach. I looked at her concerned, my hand going to her shoulder. "What's wrong?" I mouthed. Jamie gave a tired smile and mouthed back. "I'm okay." I knew she wouldn't lie to me, but I also knew she didn't want to make a scene in church. Luckily the singing ended and everyone took their seats.  
  
I protectively wrapped my arm around her, as if it would make her sickness go away. Dean leaned over and asked if she were all right and I could only give a slight nod. My opposite hand crossed over my leg and on to hers. Her left hand rested on it lovingly, holding it in her lap. I could almost feel desperation in her hold, something quite unusual. I glanced at her. Jamie's face looked slightly pained and very tired all the sudden. How could that have happened so quickly? She had been fine only minutes before. My thoughts were running wild. What could I do to help her? She was hurting and I couldn't stop her pain.  
  
Suddenly, Jamie gave my hand and a gentle squeeze letting me know that whatever was bothering her had subsided. Relief came over me, and I silently thanked God. I knew it would come back, but I was glad it had left for now. My eyes went to where the choir sat. Jamie would never stand up there again and sing a brief solo. She now sat beside me, intently listening to her father's sermon. But then she glanced over at Dean and I followed. He was trying to find 2 Timothy, where the message was being preached. Jamie gave me an urging look, and my hand left hers and went to Dean's aide. He looked up at me as I turned to the book he was looking for. It was at that moment I believe, that we became real friends. I had thought it was the night he stopped by to apologize, but I was wrong. Because at that time, I had not truly forgiven him, but I had now.  
  
We gave each other an understanding look and then I focused my attention on the sermon with Jamie's hand in mine again. "Now let us turn to Romans chapter five…" the Reverend said. He spoke a few more words and then began reading the passage. It was verse three that caught my attention though…"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Hope. The word hung in my thoughts. What is hope exactly? It was the word Jamie had chosen to use in her song. "I know now, you're my only hope…" I could still hear voice echoing in my head.  
  
I had thought Jamie was my only hope, but maybe she was just guiding me to the true hope I was looking for. My eyes went to our hands; my right was sandwiched between hers lovingly. Yes, Jamie had led me to the answers I needed, and for that I'm eternally grateful.  
  
The service came to an end, but Jamie remained seated. Members of the congregation came by to see how she was feeling and Jamie greeted them pleasantly. "Hey thanks for coming man." I told Dean.  
  
"Yeah um...I appreciate you inviting me."  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Well I better get going." He said and then moved closer to Jamie to say bye.  
  
"Oh Dean I'm so glad you joined us. We'd love to see again next Sunday." Jamie told him sweetly and he smiled.  
  
"Thanks. I'll try to make it." And few seconds later he was gone as was the congregation. Jamie's father had walked a few members out, leaving us alone. I took a seat next to her, my arm going to the back of the pew.  
  
"Jamie…Jamie what's wrong?" I asked in a whisper.  
  
"I'm fine really…just tired all the sudden." She told me.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Mmm." She nodded.  
  
"K…" I breathed as I stood. Jamie began to stand as well, but never did. A large lump formed in my throat at the sight of her. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.  
  
"Could you umm…" She looked up at me, not even needing to finish her sentence.  
  
"Come here…" My voice was barely audible as I took her in my arms, carrying her out of the church and to the car. Her father was walking back inside as we were leaving. His walk soon halted. He stared at Jamie and I soon realized she had fallen asleep. Our eyes then connected. Nothing needed to be said for we both knew the answer…  
  
Chapter Seventeen  
  
Jamie's condition was getting worse, plain and simple. I just didn't want to admit it. I'll never forget the look in her father's eyes that Sunday. He knew that this was really it, so did I for that matter. I just handled it in a different way. I took Jamie home and carried her to the bedroom. I then made myself some lunch and spread out on the couch. My thumb hit the remote, aimlessly wandering through the channels. I soon heard Jamie's voice behind me, saying something that I would have given anything not to hear. "Landon…there's something wrong." Her voice was very soft as she spoke and I felt a lump form in my throat immediately.  
  
I quickly turned the TV off, sitting up on the couch and turning to her. She stood in front of me, her eyes wearing her pain. "What do you mean?" I asked, praying she would tell me something different from what I already knew.  
  
"I need you to take me to the hospital." She told me quietly. I immediately began trying to make the situation better.  
  
"But we have private homecare…I know the nurse took the day off but…" It was no use.  
  
"Landon." She whispered causing words to cease. "I'm so sorry." She continued. All I had to do was look into her eyes and know what she was saying. She was sorry she had to do this to me, sorry she was so sick, but she needed me and I wasn't going to let her down. My eyes closed briefly and I then stood. Our hands brushed each other slightly and we stood still for a moment. I held her hands in mine as I leaned my forehead to hers.  
  
"What are you feeling?" I asked barley above a whisper.  
  
"I can just tell I'm getting worse." My eyes closed.  
  
"Are you in a lot of pain?" I questioned, slightly scared of her answer.  
  
"Some." I pulled my head from hers and looked away, knowing she was sparing me.  
  
"I'll go get the car." I finally said, heading towards the door.  
  
"Landon…" I turned at her meek voice.  
  
"Yeah?" Jamie paused for a moment, her eyes falling to her feet. She then looked back up at me with tear filled eyes. Her voice was so shaky as she spoke.  
  
"Promise me…that you'll bring back home. Please don't let them keep there. I don't want to die in the hospital…"  
  
"Oh Baby that's not gonna happen." I said fervently as I quickly walked back over to her, taking her in my arms. My hand cupped the back of her head and she held onto me desperately. I felt her tears on my cheek, her pain in my arms. I could have just held her like that forever, but I knew forever we didn't have.  
  
I took Jamie to the hospital and had the doctors examine her. I had to sit in the waiting room for a what seemed like an eternity. It was very lonely out there. Time seemed to inch by ever so slowly. Jamie's dad arrived a little while later, a mask of concern on his face. We stared at each other for a while. I think he could see the pain and fear in my eyes because I could certainly see it in his.  
  
The doctor finally came out and confirmed that Jamie's condition had worsened. "She's held on better than most." He said. I remember thinking that Jamie was so strong, so brave; she fought her illness till she could fight no more. "I'm sorry, but she'll probably only live another week or two." My heart stopped at his words. No…Jamie couldn't be leaving me in only a week or so. I needed her. I needed to be able to see her smile every morning when I woke up. I needed to hear her sweet voice talk about life. I needed her by my side. "Mr. Carter…" The doctor's voice brought me out of my daze.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"It's all right. Your wife was asking for you." My wife. I loved the sound of that, and I wouldn't be able to hear it much longer. I nodded, but then looked at Jamie's father. I knew he wanted to see her, but he only gave me a look saying it was okay. I mustered up a smiled and went to Jamie. Her eyes were closed as I entered her room. At the sound of the door softly closing, she opened her eyes.  
  
"There you are…" She whispered with a soft smile as she held out her hand. "Come here." She requested in the same tone. I willingly walked to her, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. I kissed her gently, my hand caressing her cheek. I left my hand there, her own hand then rested on my wrist and we just stared at one another for a long time. "Did the doctor talk to you?" She asked.  
  
"Uh yeah…he did." My eyes fell.  
  
"So how are you handling this?" She tilted her head to see my eyes.  
  
"Hey don't worry about me okay?" I laughed slightly, trying to make myself feel better.  
  
"Landon I love you. I can't help worrying about you." I looked at her then. Her features were so gentle. Her mouth curved up gracefully and her eyes were shinning.  
  
"You are so beautiful." I breathed. Jamie only looked at me, touched. My lips then fell to hers again. Passion surged through my veins as our kiss deepened. And for that brief moment, the sadness went away. We didn't have anything to be worried about except our love for one another. But as soon as our lips parted, reality came back into being.  
  
"You know there's something I want to do." She said with a small sigh.  
  
"What's that?" She had me intrigued as always. And I was constantly amused at her little facial expressions she made when she had an idea. No, I loved them.  
  
"I'd like to have a party." My brow furrowed.  
  
"A party?"  
  
"Yeah…I want to see everyone one more time." My heart sank again, but I didn't want to show it.  
  
"I think we can work something out." I told her with a smile in which she returned.  
  
"Good." We shared another smile. "So when do I get to go home?" She asked, and I prayed that the doctor didn't want to keep her in the hospital. Either way, I was taking my wife home.  
  
"Umm let me go ask the doctor. I'll send your dad in." I told her as I rose.  
  
"Okay." I kissed her cheek and headed to the door. Her voice stopped me though. "Landon?" I spun around.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I love you." Her voice was so sweet, almost like a child's. I smiled and responded in a whisper.  
  
"And I…love you."  
  
TBC 


	5. Chapters 18-20

Chapter Eighteen  
  
Relief filled me when the doctor agreed to release Jamie. "She'll probably rest better at home." He concluded. "I have no reason to hold her. I'm afraid there's nothing more we can do for her."  
  
"Thank you." Was all I could say. Jamie was happy when I told her I was taking her home. The sun was fading ever so slightly when we arrived back home. Jamie rested on the couch as I made something for us to eat. We enjoyed a quite simple meal in front of the television, and then watched a movie together. Jamie however, fell asleep before it ended. I carried her to the bedroom as I had done many times before. However, there was one problem. Jamie was in her normal clothes, not her nightgown. I paused, contemplating what I should do. I decided that Jamie would not want to sleep in clothes that had been to the hospital so I pulled one of her gowns from the dresser. I stared at its silky material for a moment. It was so soft and delicate just like Jamie, and it's light pink color defined Jamie's sweetness.  
  
As I walked back over to the bed, Jamie woke up. "Hey…I didn't expect you to wake up." I said with pleasant surprise.  
  
"Oh I wanted to see the end of the movie." She said in disappointment when she saw the clock. "I was just so sleepy."  
  
"Hey it's okay. Don't worry about it." She smiled. "Listen I uh didn't think you'd want to sleep in those clothes so…"  
  
"Oh…" She said, realizing what she had on, then seeing the gown in my hands. "Thank you. But you know I'd really like to take a bath. Since I was in the hospital and all."  
  
"Oh sure…I just thought you might be too tired."  
  
"I bath sounds really nice though. Do you mind?" She asked as if it were an imposition.  
  
"No problem. I'll uh just go run some water for you."  
  
"Thank you." She replied sweetly as I headed off to do my task. Five minutes later, Jamie stood over the filled tub. "A bubble bath?" She questioned. I bit my mouth.  
  
"Yeah I thought it uh…might be relaxing." I held a smirk as she smiled brightly.  
  
"You're so sweet." I shrugged.  
  
"I try." Then I grinned. "Well, I'll just be in the next room if you need anything." I began to leave.  
  
"Do you have to go?" She asked in a tiny voice. I immediately turned in surprise to find her face holding a sweet expression.  
  
"Uh… no." I replied noticing how cute she looked with the bubbles around her face. "I just thought you'd want some solitude." I explained, kneeling down so that I was at eye level with her.  
  
"Mmm…I'd much rather see your face. Your perfect face." She added with a whisper. She then held some of the soapy bubbles in her palm, blowing it. "You know I haven't had a bubble bath in a long time. I'd forgotten how much fun they are." She said in a happy tone.  
  
"I'm glad you're enjoying it." I told her amused. Her face turned to me suddenly.  
  
"Would you like to join me?" She asked in seriousness.  
  
"Uhhh…" I looked at her questioning expression. "Sure." I finally replied and her smile grew. We sat across from each other for a while, just talking about meaningless things, laughing as if we didn't have a care in the world. Jamie then sat in my arms, her damp hair resting on my chest.  
  
"Don't you just wish we could stay like this forever?" She questioned random wonder.  
  
"Yes, I'd give anything." I replied, not even having to think.  
  
"Landon thank you for making this the best summer of my life." She said appreciatively, and I had to let her know she had done the same for me.  
  
"Thanks for making the best of mine." I could see her mouth curving upward as I kissed her head. "So let's talk about this party." I said changing the subject.  
  
"Oh yeah…well I was thinking we could just have it here. People could come and go as they pleased. It would just kind of be a time of fellowship I guess."  
  
"Well I'll mention it to your dad and spread the word around." I told her.  
  
"Thank you." She sighed. "The water's getting cold." She commented in sad observation.  
  
"Yeah." I agreed. I hated to see it come to an end, but I knew it was just another memory I would remember always.  
  
By the time I returned to the bathroom with my pajama bottoms on, Jamie was standing by the sink in her gown. She looked tired again, but she managed to brush her teeth and then her hair. I walked over and stood behind her, my hand at her waist. "You tired?" I asked in a whisper and she nodded her head.  
  
"Mmm."  
  
"Here let me just uh brush my teeth and I'll carry you to bed okay?" I knew she wasn't feeling well when she didn't insist on walking.  
  
"K…" She breathed softly. My left hand lingered at her right as I quickly brushed my teeth. I then turned back to her. It was amazing how quickly her energy had faded, but her eyes still looked at me harmoniously.  
  
"All right. Let's get you to bed." I swept her up in my arms, turning the light out as I left the bathroom. I tucked Jamie into bed like I had done many times before. I then got in bed and stared at her sleeping figure. I brushed my finger gently along the contours of her delicate face and thought about how much I loved her. I gently placed a kiss on her forehead. Darkness filled the room as the lamp went out, and I lied awake for a while. It wasn't until I could hear Jamie's heartbeat under my ear that I fell asleep.  
  
Chapter Nineteen  
  
Word soon spread that we were having a party in Jamie's honor. The night of the gathering, our front door basically stayed open the entire evening. People that I had seen maybe once in my life even showed up. I had thought we would have a pretty good turn out considering the circumstances, but I never dreamed that there would be people to that multitude. God had truly blessed our house that night. Even I was able to feel the presence that Jamie talked about so often. Speaking of Jamie, she lit up the room with her genuine smile and twinkling eyes. She welcomed everyone openly, whether they had been nice to her in the past or not.  
  
For most of the evening she sat on the couch, very close to one of the arms so that there was a lot of room for others to sit as well. And they did. People were gathered all around her, hugging her and just listening to her talk. She was full of life that night, and I guess that was the last night that she was. From that point on, Jamie grew weaker and weaker, but for those few hours, she had been given new life so to speak. I remember Jamie telling me that she had prayed for strength that night and the Lord had clearly given it to her.  
  
I welcomed our guests as well. From Eric to some of the oldest people in Beaufort. My dad even made an appearance a little into the evening. I was near the door when he arrived and I starred at him for a moment. My features soon softened as I welcomed him with a hug. "Thanks for coming." I managed to say. My dad only nodded and soon gave me a pat on the arm.  
  
"I'm proud of you son." He told me and smiled slightly. We shared an understanding nod before his arm went around me and we walked further into the house. My mom of course was already there mingling with some of the other women, and my dad found a couple of men he knew. So I headed into the kitchen where I was soon joined by Jamie's dad.  
  
"Landon how are you holding up?" He asked suddenly.  
  
"Uhh…I'm okay thanks."  
  
"Landon…I want you to know…that I appreciate what you've done for Jamie." He told me.  
  
"It's nothing." I shrugged.  
  
"No…look this isn't easy for me…even though Jamie's so sick, I've never seen her happier, and I guess I have you to thank for that." My lips parted to speak, but he continued. "You know…on Sundays I still see you from where I stand. Except now there's something worth seeing." I didn't know what to say to him, but he patted my back and walked out of the room leaving me in wonder. For the first time I knew that Reverend Sullivan actually liked me. It was a very nice feeling.  
  
As I entered the living room again, I could hear dozens and dozens of voices, but the only one I could truly hear was Jamie's. As I got closer to where she sat, I could hear her saying something about how thankful she was for the summer God had given her with me. My chest tightened briefly, but I was now standing next to the couch, quite visible. "Well there's that wonderful husband you were talking about." One of the elderly women exclaimed. I smiled somewhat uncomfortable. But then I felt Jamie's hand on mine, which was resting on the couch arm, and calmness overcame me. I looked down into her loving eyes and smiled.  
  
"Where have you been?" She asked pleased to see me.  
  
"In the kitchen." I told her.  
  
"Here…come sit." She offered softly and I took a seat on the arm of the couch, Jamie's hand in mine.  
  
"Landon I don't believe we've met. I'm Mrs. Mayerson." Another elderly women said extending her hand.  
  
"It's nice to meet you." I said politely while shaking her hand.  
  
"Mrs. Mayerson babysat me some when I was little." Jamie informed.  
  
"I see." The conversation between a number of people surrounding us continued for a while until my dad appeared before us. Most of the group spread out and mingled amongst themselves.  
  
"Mr. Carter it's so nice to see you." Jamie smiled.  
  
"You too Jamie."  
  
"Take a seat Dad." He nodded, and sat in front of us.  
  
"So Jamie how are you feeling?" He asked.  
  
"I'm feeling wonderful right now, thank you."  
  
"That's good." He paused for moment. "Jamie I…I wanted to say thank you for…changing Landon's life. You've been an inspiration to us all." I was quite taken back by this.  
  
"Landon's been my inspiration. You have a wonderful son." She looked up at me adoringly and I smiled. My father had never said anything like that, but I heard many profound and sincere things that night from many. The house slowly emptied as the hour became later and later. Everyone embraced Jamie before they left, some holding on longer than others. But Jamie didn't mind; she enjoyed each and every person that came in contact with her. Some smiled, some frowned, some cried. But when the house was finally empty of guests, I felt a strange sense of peace and accomplishment.  
  
I locked up for the night, decided to clean up the next day, and took Jamie to bed as usual. "Landon, thank you for tonight. It meant so much to me." Jamie said as I pulled the covers up over her. I brushed the hair off her face lovingly and placed a kiss on her forehead.  
  
"You're welcome." We smiled, but then our smiles faded and we simply stared at one another. I took a quick breath and slowly leaned down. I soon felt her lips under mine. Her hand gently made its way to my hair, mine behind her neck. Our kiss continued to grow, and it was… the perfect ending to a perfect day.  
  
Chapter Twenty  
  
The next few days came and went and took Jamie's energy with them. She had become so weak so quickly, and there was nothing I could do except be there for her. And that's exactly what I did. I read to her, played my guitar for her, fed her, watched her sleep…you name it I did it. But I wouldn't have traded one minute of it for anything.  
  
One night, when I had actually fallen asleep, I heard Jamie crying in the back of my head. It was almost like a dream or something, but my senses soon picked up on the fact that it was real and my eyes opened. The moonlight lit Jamie's face ever so slightly so that I could see she was indeed crying. "Jamie…Jamie Baby what's wrong?" I asked in a concerned, but raspy voice. She had every right to cry, but I had never seen her quite like this. She looked so small and fragile, almost helpless.  
  
"Just hold me…please hold me…" She pleaded in a shaky voice. I pulled her body close to mine, my arms going around her. Jamie's tiny hand gripped my arm desperately as she continued to cry on my chest.  
  
"Oh Baby I'll hold you forever…" I assured her as she forced herself closer to me.  
  
"Landon I don't want to leave you." She whispered, still crying.  
  
"I don't want you to." I whispered back, closing my eyes and savoring the feeling of her closeness to me.  
  
"I don't have much longer…I can feel it." My chest tightened.  
  
"Jamie be honest with me…is the pain a lot worse?" She paused for a long while and finally choked out:  
  
"It hurts so much…" I tightened my hold on her instinctively.  
  
"Baby I'm so sorry…" Jamie shook her head, pulling away just enough to look at me, or what she could see of me in the darkness.  
  
"No…it's all right. It's in God's control." She caught her breath. "It's just sometimes at night…I find myself thinking and wishing that it would all just go away when I should be trusting the Lord." Her voice sounded ashamed.  
  
"Jamie you have a right to those feelings." I told her, brushing the hair from her wet cheeks.  
  
"I know, but when I let my mind wander, I get scared and all I want is to feel your arms around me." She sniffed and I took her in my arms once again.  
  
"I'm here. I'm not gonna leave you, I promise." She nodded and I leaned against the pillows, Jamie still in my arms.  
  
"Landon there's something I need to ask you, but I don't want you to hate me." How could she even think that was possible?  
  
"I could never hate you." I promised softly.  
  
"This house holds so many memories... memories that we've made in only a few short months. I'm so happy that we had this place to share our life together, but I'd really like to…" She stopped.  
  
"To what?" I urged gently.  
  
"To be at my old house when I…" She looked up at me. Saying it was obviously too painful tonight, and I understood.  
  
"Oh…well…well…sure. Whatever you want."  
  
"I just thought that way I could spend more time with my dad."  
  
"Of course." I agreed, running my fingers up and down her arm.  
  
"But the most important thing to me is that you're the last thing I see before I die." She added in a whisper that left me speechless for a long while. I found it hard to breathe, to do anything, but I finally managed to answer her.  
  
"I wouldn't have it any other way."  
  
TBC 


	6. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One  
  
Jamie's old house, it lacked the certain…I don't know…hominess I guess. Well compared to ours anyway. It wasn't that our house was the end all or anything, but it was filled with such love…our love. We had made so many memories there in such a short time, one's that I'll cherish always. Nevertheless, this house was where Jamie wanted to die, and I wasn't going to deny her that. Maybe it would be better that she wouldn't die in our house. Instead we could just keep pleasant memories there. Yes, I'm glad we left that house together.  
  
Hunter green walls, wood floors, soon surrounded me. The ticking of the clock seemed as loud as ever, but this time it didn't feel so cold. I was welcome there. I knew that now. And it brought great comfort, knowing that Jamie's father actually liked me. More importantly, it made Jamie happy to be closer to her father. I remember her saying the night that we moved in, "Now I'm with the two people I love the most." She said it with a graceful smile on her face, and I remember kissing her with all the love and admiration I had for her.  
  
I held her in my arms that night, not being able to sleep. I looked around the room thoroughly for the first time. My eyes soon landed on the large panda bear sitting in the corner, and I laughed to myself. Jamie was so sweet, so innocent, yet so wise. I didn't think something like that was possible, but she was living proof of it. Then my eyes fell back to her. The moonlight was shining in through her balcony windows and could see her features quite clearly. They were the same as the always were. Soft, delicate, beautiful…I couldn't help smiling at her, though she didn't know it.  
  
She began to shift slightly, her brow furrowing in her sleep and I immediately became concerned. Was she in pain or was she having a bad dream? My hand instinctively went to her hair, stroking it gently from her face. Her fitful sleep continued and I felt the need to wake her, relieve her of whatever was causing it. "Jamie…" I whispered, touching her arm. She jerked involuntarily, her eyes jolting towards mine.  
  
"Mmm…" She moaned, trying to get her bearings.  
  
"You looked like you were having a bad dream or something. Are you all right?" I asked in a hushed voice. Jamie paused as if trying to comprehend what I was saying.  
  
"Umm…yeah…yeah I'm fine." She said unconvincingly, her eyes blinking more than necessary. I shifted her body towards me so that I was now cradling her. I kissed her head, and held her face with my hand.  
  
"You don't sound fine."  
  
"The pain was in my dream."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I can't remember what I was dreaming…I just remember hurting in the dream."  
  
"Oh Baby I'm sorry I can't take your pain away."  
  
"But you have in a way." I looked at her somewhat questioningly. "Landon, you don't know what kind of strength your love has given me." I brushed her cheek, my eyes showing how touched I was. "Why do you think I've held on this long?" She smiled and I felt my breath catch in my throat. How could she attribute her life to me? "I know it's God's timing, but I truly believe He gave you to me as a source of hope…something to fight for." Her voice was so soft, her breath short and all I could think about was how much I loved her, wanted her, needed her to be with me for the rest of my life. I think she knew…  
  
Her fingers caressed my arm lightly, her eyes held only love. I don't know how they didn't show her pain, but at that moment, they didn't. "Landon…" She breathed.  
  
"Yes?" Her eyes closed.  
  
"Please kiss me." And I did. I kissed her with everything that I was. She gasped slightly, her hands going to my face, pulling me towards her. Her hands then went to my shoulders as mine then went to her face. My lips traveled down to her collarbone and she tilted her head to allow me more access. I retrieved her lips the next moment, forgetting about reality.  
  
All the sudden Jamie's words started playing in the back of my head. Every bit of laughter, every tone of sadness…it was like I was hearing it for the first time. "This is wonderful…I love you… Landon, I'm sick…I have leukemia… I'm scared of not being with you... I Jamie Elizabeth Sullivan do solemnly swear…do solemnly swear…do solemnly swear... You're my angel on earth and when I die…I can be yours… Landon what's mine is yours... Life's too short to waste it on hard feelings… Because if I had a choice, live a full life without you or die having had your love… I would choose death in a heartbeat... Tell me the story of us…It just doesn't get any better than this… I'd have a baby….a baby… Life is like sand in a way… And eventually, you just have to let it go…let it go… I need you to take me to the hospital… Promise me…that you'll bring back home…bring me back home…back home… Would you like to join me? … Landon thank you for making this the best summer of my life…summer of my life…my life… Just hold me…please hold me… Landon I don't want to leave you…leave you…leave you…leave you…" I pulled away suddenly, my heart pounding.  
  
Jamie's eyes were big and filled with concern. "What's wrong?" She heaved. I swallowed hard, still short of breath.  
  
"I'm sorry." I finally said beginning to pull away then feeling Jamie's hand on my arm.  
  
"No Landon please don't stop." I looked back at her pleading eyes. They looked tired, her whole body did. She closed her eyes, her breathing shallow as she spoke. "Can't you just kiss me please?" Her hand fell from my arm and I knew she was fading. "Please…" She whispered again and again. My eyes closed as well as leaned down and kissed granted her wish. And as I felt our breath become one, I let all my fears of losing Jamie go, and just enjoyed the moment God had blessed us with.  
  
When our lips finally parted, I held Jamie close. She was much weaker than she was last time we kissed like that, but it didn't matter. We had already had many wonderful nights together and this one was wonderful in its own way. I fell asleep not in sadness, but it peace, knowing that we had just been given another gift.  
  
TBC 


	7. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two  
  
  
  
Rain fell the next two days and I basically stayed in bed with Jamie and watched it descend upon the earth. We'd leave the balcony doors open because Jamie wanted to hear the sound of the rain hitting the ground, and we'd talk and laugh for a little bit, and then… Jamie would fall asleep without eating. I had never seen her so weak and it broke my heart, but I tried to not show it for her sake.  
  
While Jamie was sleeping during the second day of the downpour, I stood and watched it for a long time. I asked God to let the sun, shine on Jamie's last day. She loved its radiance so, and I wanted her to be able to see it one more time. My prayer was answered. The next day the sun filled the sky and shown brightly into Jamie's room. I silently thanked God for it, but also hoped that it didn't mean that it was Jamie's last day. It wasn't in my hands though, and I knew that.  
  
Jamie hadn't written in her journal since the last day in our house. She wanted to leave it there, and I didn't know why, but I didn't question her. Though she slept most of the day, she seemed to have a burst of energy that evening. I was watching some television when she woke up. When I felt her eyes on me, I turned to see her pleasant smile. It made me smile too. "Hey…" I breathed, kissing her on the cheek.  
  
"Hi." I'll never forget how alive her eyes looked and the way she smiled. It was as if she had been given new life. "I missed you." She whispered still smiling. I laughed a little and looked back up at her.  
  
"I've missed this smile." She stared at me a while, and then bit her lower lip almost mischievously, telling me she had an idea.  
  
"You know what?" I tried to hold my laughter as we went through the same lines that we had so many times before. Something would come to her mind, and I would wait expectantly as she taunted me slightly. Oh how I loved it.  
  
"What?" She took a big breath purposefully making me wait longer.  
  
"I'm hungry." We both laughed now, and I was so thankful that she was like her old self… even if it were just for a little while.  
  
"Well I guess so considering you haven't hardly eaten anything in the past two days." I shook my head with a wide smile. Jamie played along.  
  
"Mmm maybe that has something to do with it."  
  
"So what do want?" She thought for a moment before speaking.  
  
"Oh you know what I'd love to do?"  
  
"What's that?" Her eyes were dancing at her thought as if she were being carried away to some dream world.  
  
"If I could, I'd go to that restaurant we ate at on our first date." I held her hands in mine as an idea came to my mind. I lightly tapped my finger on her lips.  
  
"Maybe I can do something about that. Hold on a sec."  
  
~  
  
Jamie's face lit up when she realized I had brought the restaurant to her…with the help of her father. We set up a table for two on the balcony with candles and the whole nine yards. Everything had to be perfect.  
  
"I can't believe you did all this." She said in awe.  
  
"Now, dinner will be served shortly, but there's just one problem." I told her, joining her on the bed.  
  
"And what's that?" She lifted her chin expectantly.  
  
"Your attire my dear." Jamie's eyes dropped to her bunny-patterned pajamas.  
  
"Ooo…yes this might be a problem." She agreed with a cute expression. I then revealed a white box from under the bed, anticipation growing in my stomach.  
  
"I got this a little while ago, but I didn't know when I should give it to you. I think now is the time." I told her softly, biting the corner of my mouth. She smiled at me curiously as she took the box from my hands. Surprise spread across her face when she saw the soft, white material before her. She lifted it slightly from the box, admiring it.  
  
"Oh Landon…" She breathed. "It's beautiful."  
  
"When I saw the dress I thought of you, and I just had to get it for you." I sat back and watched her with pleasure. She studied the delicate fabric, running her fingers over it. Her eyes then rose to mine.  
  
"Thank you." She whispered, her eyes brimming with tears. I felt a lump form in my throat as I held back my own tears. My hand went to her cheek and I kissed her gently. "I'm going to go put it on." She finally said.  
  
"Do you need some help?" She looked at the dress and then again at me.  
  
"No…I need to do this." Her eyes held a gentle confidence, and I knew I needed to let her do as she pleased.  
  
"All right." I agreed as I helped her stand and then watched her make her way to the bathroom on her own for the first time in a long time.  
  
~  
  
When she emerged from the bathroom, my heart stopped. She literally took my breath away. She stood still for a while, letting me take in her appearance. The dress was long and flowing and came to a "v" in the front. It was sleeveless and I remember how soft her shoulders looked. Jamie's lips were a light pink and her eyes were accentuated slightly by mascara. She was a vision standing there, looking like the true angel she was.  
  
Jamie then slowly began making her way over to me. Her hands went to my chest when she reached me. "Wow…" I said softly and she smiled. "You are so beautiful." She bit her lip again, taking her hand in mine and leading me onto the balcony.  
  
We enjoyed our dinner together and for the most part acted as if nothing were wrong. Although… Jamie would get this far off look in her eyes every so often. I think she was contemplating whether or not to tell me that this was her last night. Now, I know Jamie didn't know what day it was going to happen, but when the day came, I think God gave her a certain peace…and she knew.  
  
As far as I was concerned, I had no idea at that point. I hadn't seen Jamie have that much energy in a long time, and I thought that it was a sign that we were going to have more time together. But it wasn't. I believe that God gave Jamie that energy for her to enjoy her last night. And I'm so glad He did.  
  
"Landon thank you…for all of this…for tonight, for this summer…for making my dreams come true." She told me softly making me swallow hard.  
  
"Hey…I'd do it all again in a heartbeat." Her eyes fell for a while.  
  
"I want to be buried in this dress." She said suddenly, causing me to almost choke on my water.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Landon I know this is hard, but we've planned everything else except what I'm going to be buried in, and I now I know." All I could do was nod. I felt her hand on mine the next breath, offering me comfort. I looked into her loving eyes; they looked tired now. She looked tired, and I knew that the sudden energy was gone.  
  
"Hey…why don't you go rest for a while." I suggested.  
  
"Okay." I waited to see if she were going to try and walk, though I doubted it. I was right. Jamie looked up at me the next moment regretfully. "I'm afraid I can't walk this time."  
  
"That's okay…means I get to hold you in my arms again." I said lightly trying to make her feel better, and I noticed her mouth curving upward slightly as I lifted her in my arms.  
  
"Do you want to watch a little TV?" I asked, setting her on the bed.  
  
"No…" She paused. "I think I'll just talk with God." She smiled up at me and I couldn't help smiling at her. I kissed her forehead, knowing that she was serious.  
  
"I'm gonna go take the dishes down stairs." She nodded and I left, dishes in hand, a few minutes later. I'd say ten or fifteen minutes went by before I returned. I helped the Reverend with the dishes, allowing Jamie more time to pray. But when I returned, my breath caught in my throat at the site of her. She looked so weak, so fragile. How could she be fine when I left and look like this when I returned? I cursed myself for leaving her, for taking her energy for granted.  
  
"Jamie are you all right?" My voice held obvious concern as I rushed to her side.  
  
"I've been better." She laughed under her breath.  
  
"I shouldn't have left you so long. I…"  
  
"Shh…it's okay. I needed the time to think." She closed her eyes. "Landon…I think its time you get my father." She whispered, her breathing shallow. I literally felt sick. This was it…this was really it. She wanted to say goodbye to him. I wanted to stop the inevitable so badly, but I felt completely helpless.  
  
"Jamie…" I whispered, not hiding the fear in my voice. Her eyes opened at the desperate sound of it.  
  
"I'm sorry Landon." She squeezed my hand, and I nodded, knowing what I had to do. I kissed her before I stood. But as I was walking towards the door, something occurred to me that scared me greatly. I turned back to her abruptly.  
  
"Will you…" I didn't even have to finish. Jamie knew what I was going to ask. She smiled and spoke very softly.  
  
"Don't worry…I'll be here when you get back."  
  
TBC 


	8. Chapters 23-24

Chapter Twenty-Three  
  
  
  
My heart felt heavy as I walked down the cool wood of the stairs. I was certainly dreading what was  
  
coming next. How do you tell a man that it's time for him to say goodbye to his daughter forever?  
  
There simply weren't words for it. I reached the bottom of the stairs hesitantly and walked into his office  
  
where he was working on his latest sermon. I entered silently without permission and just stood there  
  
until he looked up. When he saw the expression on my face, he removed his glasses and stared at me. I  
  
licked my lower lip nervously and finally spoke the painful words. "Jamie wants to talk to you." My voice  
  
was barely audible, but I had said it. My eyes averted slightly away from his stare, and then move  
  
downward to my feet. Maybe I hadn't said all of it…I mean, I hadn't come out and said, 'Jamie wants to  
  
say goodbye.' But he hadn't gotten the message.  
  
  
  
He let out a long sigh and stood. His hand went to my shoulder and he paused. I looked at him, pain in my eyes, and he nodded giving me a pat on the back. "I'm going to go take a drive. Give you two some time." I told him and he only nodded again.  
  
  
  
When I reached my car, I let the tears flow. I started the engine and drove through the streets of Beaufort. I had been driving about five minutes when I realized the radio was on. Hoping to divert my mind, I turned it up.  
  
  
  
"Where do I begin  
  
To tell the story of how great a love can be?" I rolled my eyes. "Great…just great." I mumbled, but something drew me back to the song that was now entering its second verse.  
  
  
  
"With her first hello  
  
She gave new meaning to this empty world of mine  
  
They'll never be another love another time  
  
She fills my heart  
  
  
  
She fills my heart  
  
With very special things  
  
With angel sounds  
  
With wild imaginings  
  
  
  
She fills my soul  
  
That anywhere I go  
  
I'll always need her  
  
I reach for her hand  
  
It's always there  
  
  
  
How long does last?  
  
Can love be measured by the hours in a day?  
  
I have no answers now  
  
But this much I can say  
  
I know I'll need her till the stars all burn away  
  
And she'll be there  
  
  
  
How long does last?  
  
Can love be measured by the hours in a day?  
  
I have no answers now  
  
But this much I can say  
  
I know I'll need her till the stars all burn away  
  
And she'll… be… there…."  
  
  
  
Yes, Jamie would always be there, no matter where she was. The song had reminded me of that. I looked down to see what station in was on and saw that it was the "Oldies" station. "That's funny…" I thought. "I've never listened to that station before." I small smile came to my face as I looked upward briefly.  
  
~  
  
When I walked back in the front door, the Reverend was coming down the stairs. Our eyes met. "She's  
  
waiting for you son." He said and I smiled. When I walked into the bedroom, Jamie was lying flat on her back, her head slightly propped by her pillow. I paused and took her all in. She was still in the dress I had given her with her hair flowing over her shoulders. I watched her chest as it rose and fell at a slow beat. She looked even paler than when I left, but she was still beautiful to me.  
  
  
  
Just as she promised, she was still there, still alive. I should have known she wouldn't die on me like that. She turned her head slowly at the sound of my entrance, her eyes at half-staff. "Landon…" She whispered in a weak voice. I tried to smile, but barely managed.  
  
  
  
"I'm right here." I assured her, kneeling beside the bed and taking her hand in mine. She shifted her weary eyes towards me, staring for a while. I rubbed her loose wedding ring back and forth slightly. "You're really going to leave me aren't you?" I questioned in a trembling whisper, already knowing the answer.  
  
  
  
"I don't have a choice." My eyes fell.  
  
  
  
"I know."  
  
  
  
"But there are…some things…that I need to tell you first." Her voice was so strained and weak as she spoke.  
  
  
  
"Shhh…just rest okay?" I guess in my mind I thought I could hold onto her longer that way.  
  
  
  
"No Landon…it's really important." She sighed heavily, her eyes closing then opening again. "Promise me… that you'll find someone else." The thought of it was unthinkable…so painful. She had to know that she was the only one.  
  
  
  
"No…no Jamie there's no one else for me but you." I assured her in a desperate tone, but she only shook her head.  
  
  
  
"Landon you have your whole life ahead of you…I can't bare the thought of you being alone."  
  
  
  
"Jamie I can't imagine being with anyone but you." She had to believe me… she just had to. I know she understood me though, by the way her tone shifted ever so slightly, and the way she worded her next phrase.  
  
  
  
"Just promise that you won't live the rest of your life alone." That didn't mean I had to necessarily remarry or anything. I mean…a pet or something is a companion right? I think…no, I know she said it that way for my benefit. I'll always be grateful for that.  
  
  
  
"I promise." Her eyes closed.  
  
  
  
"Thank you." She sighed again, catching her breath. "Now…the journal that you gave me…is now yours. Everything written in it is for you." I squeezed her hand, tears welling in my eyes. "I don't want anyone to have it but you…please promise that you'll keep it and read it." Her eyes were almost desperate. I could see how important it was to her. I wasn't sure why, but I knew she had a reason.  
  
  
  
"I promise Baby, I promise." She smiled wearily as I brought her hand to my lips.  
  
  
  
"I love you…" She breathed and I couldn't fight my tears any more. They poured out of my eyes and I buried my face on her abdomen, clinging on to her hand tightly. Her free hand stroked my hair soothingly. "Don't cry…there are worse things than death." She whispered. My head rose and I looked at her through blurry eyes.  
  
  
  
"Oh God I love you Jamie." I kissed her desperately and she responded as best she could. I could feel her life slipping away in that kiss. It made everything seem so real, but I don't regret it. I don't regret any moment that I spent with her. When I pulled away, her eyes were shut, a smile resting on her closed lips. She began speaking very softly, her words broken by her short breaths.  
  
  
  
"I… Jamie Elizabeth Sullivan…do solemnly swear…to take Landon… Rollins… Carter… as my lawfully… wedded husband…" Her eyes opened and she smiled. "I think that was the best day of my life." I smiled, now sitting on the bed and leaning close to her, her hand still in mine.  
  
  
  
"Everyday with you has been the best." The comment seemed to please her and yet, her pain was so evident.  
  
  
  
"Landon…I'm so tired, but I don't want to…leave you." I nodded in response to her apologetic eyes.  
  
  
  
"I don't know what to do anymore Jamie." I admitted as her eyelids fell yet again.  
  
  
  
"You're going to have… to let…me…go." Her voice faded.  
  
  
  
"I know I have to…it's just the thought of never seeing you again…" Her eyes opened at this.  
  
  
  
"Hey…you'll see me in eternity." She reminded with hope. I stared at her for a long time and saw the hope in tomorrow that she had always seen.  
  
  
  
"What a wonderful day that will be." Her eyes closed as she let out a peaceful sigh.  
  
  
  
"So I lay…my…head…back…down…and I lift… my…. hands and pray, to be …only yours I… pray…to be only …yours I pray…I know now…you're… my… only… hope…" Her eyes opened again and I saw her smile for the last time. "Dance with me…" She breathed. My eyes looked deeply into hers and I knew what she meant. I smiled and lifted her in my arms and carried her to the balcony. I swayed back and forth gently, holding Jamie in my arms. Her feet far from the ground, but it didn't matter that she wasn't literally dancing; she was in spirit. I looked at the night sky and found our star.  
  
  
  
"There's our star Jamie." I whispered and she looked up.  
  
  
  
"I think it's the brightest one in the sky." She commented pleased.  
  
  
  
"It's because it has your name on it." She brought her fingers to my chin, urging me to look at her. Her eyes roamed my face, her fingers tracing its contours.  
  
  
  
"You have the most beautiful face." Her lips grazed mine, her head then nuzzling in the crook of my neck. 'But the most important thing to me is that you're the last thing I see before I die.' That's what she had wanted, and suddenly, I knew what to do. I knew how to let her go.  
  
  
  
"I'll see you in Heaven Jamie." I promised softly. I heard her say a faint thank you. Her arm fell from my neck a few minutes later, her body going limp in my arms. My eyes closed, tears falling immediately. She was gone, but she was in a better place. I looked up at the sky once more, and I could have sworn that I saw Jamie's star wink at me, but maybe it was just my imagination. I like to think that it was her though.  
  
  
  
1 Chapter Twenty-Four  
  
I returned to the house that Jamie and I had spent the summer in the following night. I felt the closest to her there, and for some reason, I needed to be haunted by the memories of that house. After hours of tossing and turning, I fell asleep in exhaustion. And just as if knowing I needed her, Jamie appeared in my dream. I reached out for her, but couldn't touch her. I could hear her humming "Only Hope" as she walked towards this bright light. "Jamie please don't go." I begged. She turned to face me.  
  
"You'll see me again." She promised.  
  
"But when? Can't I just touch you?"  
  
"The wind Landon…reach out and touch it…" Her voice faded as she walked through what appeared to be a wooden door, into the pure light. Her figure slowly disappeared, the door closing behind her. I felt darkness coming upon me and yet, it never came. Jamie had left the door open just enough so that a tiny beam of light would show through. When I awakened, my thoughts were a blur. Was it just a dream? But it was so real? Just for a few moments she was there with me. What was she trying to tell me though? That question lingered in my head the rest of the night.  
  
~  
  
Jamie's viewing was the following night, and I'm pretty sure the whole town was there. I received many condolences and hugs that night, though I hardly remember any of it. I returned to our house, but couldn't sleep. After a long time, I finally knew what would make me feel better. I wrote a letter to Jamie. I wanted it to be buried with her, knowing that she couldn't really take anything with her, but that way it would be the closest to her.  
  
My Dearest Jamie,  
  
Living in a world that is constantly changing, I feel no change. All I can feel is your presence surrounding me. I can't believe that you are actually gone, and I find myself looking in different rooms of the house to see if you are there. But I know you're not. I see your things, your soft nightgowns, your sweaters, your favorite pen you liked to write in your journal with, but most of all I see your picture on the dresser. I stared at it for hours today, marveling your beauty, wishing some how that you would come back. Anger soon arose in me … anger towards God. But then I closed my eyes, and I could hear your sweet and gentle voice telling me this was His plan. Magically, the anger slips away. Because of you, I have hope in tomorrow.  
  
But right now, I'm having a hard time letting yesterday go. Letting you go. Your journal is sitting on your nightstand, right where you left it. I promise to read it soon because I know it was very important to you. But I find it too painful to read tonight, and though I've picked it up, I can't bring my fingers to opening it. I hope you understand, but then again, I know that you do. You always understood me, even before I did. How could you have known that you were what I needed? But you did, and I'm so very thankful that you were able to see the good in me.  
  
You were and are the reason I'm the person I am today. My life hasn't been the same since you left it. In these recent hours there has been a certain emptiness that can't be filled. I now find darkness as a comfort, for it is when I feel you the most. I see you in my dreams. And although, I've only spent one night without you, I know that there will be many nights to come that you will grace my dreams. I look forward to those nights.  
  
Summer will soon be over, and I'll be starting my classes at UNC in a few weeks. Hopefully that will keep my mind off things. It was so hard to watch the sun set alone tonight. But I try and not dwell on that because there were so many nights we watched it set together. And I'll look back on those days knowing that there never would be or never could be anyone for me but you. You were and always will be my true light at the end of the tunnel.  
  
All my love,  
  
Landon  
  
I placed the letter under her palm the next day before we buried her. I gave the eulogy, all the words flowing from my heart.  
  
"Jamie…was the best person I knew." That's how it began as I stared out over the packed church. How could I put into words all that I was feeling? I wanted everyone person in that room to know just how much Jamie meant to me, how much she was. I quickly came to the conclusion that there simply weren't enough words that would convey the person she was, but I was going to do my best to do so. She deserved that.  
  
"Jamie …was misunderstood. She didn't fit in to what my fellow classmates, including myself thought was cool." I laughed under my breath remembering how wrong I had been. "The truth was she was better than all of us combined. And yet, despite the way we treated her, the way I treated her…she saw the good in me. The good that I didn't even know existed. But then I think maybe it wasn't really my good at all…it was hers. Because Jamie made me a better person… through her determination, her faith and her love…she changed me forever." My words caught in my throat and I didn't think I would be able to go on. But I felt her presence around me, urging me to continue…believing that I could.  
  
"And as I stand here today, I know that all of you will remember Jamie as being a truly wonderful person, but I can't leave it there because she was so much more than that. She was… what made a rainy day full of sun, she was what gave a withering flower new life, she was the one that you could always count on, and she was the fresh air I breathed. You see… I was the dark rain cloud hovering over my own life. I was the flower whose petals were dried out…and she…she was the one that saved me. I now believe in hope. I now have faith in what lies ahead because I know that someone, much greater than I am is in control of all of it. And the best part is, Jamie's sitting right beside Him…where a true angel belongs."  
  
I don't think there was a dry eye in the place. I know mine certainly weren't. I stepped down from the altar knowing that I could go on and on about Jamie, but that I had said what was in my heart.  
  
~  
  
I couldn't sleep that night. My thoughts just wouldn't settle. Turning on the lamp, I saw Jamie's journal. I stared at it for a while, almost scared to open it. The memory of Jamie's weak voice echoed in my head suddenly. "Now…the journal that you gave me…is now yours. Everything written in it is for you. I don't want anyone to have it but you…please promise that you'll keep it and read it." And I had promised her that. So with a shaky hand I picked up the journal and opened it to the first page. Jamie's soft cursive filled it, and I began to read her words.  
  
Dearest Landon,  
  
I write this as a gift to you just as you have given this journal as a gift to me. I hope it will be a source of comfort when you need comforting, and a source of hope when you lose faith. When you gave it to me, I immediately began thinking what I would use it for. Then I thought about all the things in your life I would miss out on. So I decided this journal would be the way I would communicate with you in the many years to come.  
  
I am going to fill it with my thoughts on your future. Some things I don't know for sure will come true, but I have faith in you that they will. It is those events that I ask you to wait to read until the day it happens. But some things I will write are for the present as well…some will even be of the past by the time you read them. Now that you know what this is for, let me now tell you what is in my heart today.  
  
I love you Landon. I love you with everything that I am. Words cannot express my feelings for you... my gratitude for what you have done for me. No one could have given me a greater gift than what you have given me. And that is your love. I look at you now and I see a person who is going to be and is already extraordinary. You have what it takes to make all your dreams come true. Thank you for making mine come true first. I know that I won't be able to put a check mark beside everything on my list, but I will die knowing that I have loved and been loved by you.  
  
God has been so good to me. He has blessed me abundantly, and I am so thankful that He gave you to me. Oh Landon, I'm so sorry I have to leave you. I wish I didn't. I look at you and I see a life that I want to share for always and always. But I know I can't. I know my time will probably be up by the time summer fades. This summer has been the best gift of all. The memories alone are more than most people hope for in a lifetime. I'm so glad that I have and will spend it with you. And as the sun is slowly setting, I know another day has come to a close, but I'm not sad because I spent it with you. This has and will be a summer to remember.  
  
I love you,  
  
Jamie  
  
I was in tears by the time I finished the letter. Jamie had once again managed to amaze me. She left me with something that could bring her back to life at the turn of a page. She had titled each letter so that I would know when to read it. As I flipped through the journal I saw entries about our summer. The first section was filled with her thoughts on the memories we were making. I read through them with a small smile remembering them as if they were yesterday.  
  
Jamie had even written something for the present, and I read the short entry that left me short of breath. It read:  
  
Dearest Landon,  
  
I wanted you to know that my Bible now belongs to you. It will be in the top door of my nightstand waiting for you. I do not expect you to open it right away; I understand that you may not be ready yet. But when you are ready, I've marked passages and verses for you to read. I thought of you when I came across them and thought that you could apply them to your life. I hope that one day it will bring as much fulfillment to you as it has to me.  
  
Loving You Always,  
  
Jamie  
  
I traced my fingers over the smooth paper, over the untouchable words. She gave me something precious to her, and yet knew that it would be too much for me to open right away. I stopped my reading there, not being able to go on. I placed the journal back where Jamie had left it. The lamplight went out, and darkness once again surrounded me. This time, I fell asleep feeling Jamie's presence as if she were lying next to me.  
  
TBC- I will be writing an epilogue that will include more journal entries and bring the story to a close. Thank you for all your encouraging words. 


	9. Epilogue

Epilogue  
  
The sun has risen and set many times since that night that I opened Jamie's journal for the first time. And just like she had hoped, it has been a great source of comfort. All I have to do is open its cover and she's with me again. I've re-read many of her letters over and over. This one, I feel, is my favorite.  
  
Dearest Landon,  
  
What if a day had no end? What if life had no death? Then that would mean that we could be together forever, living in a day filled with our love. I know that's impossible. God didn't create something like that, and though, it sounds wonderful, it wouldn't work. Because then we wouldn't be able to appreciate the time that we have. I wouldn't be able to look at you as you sleep and cherish your peaceful face. I wouldn't be able to love you more and more each day because there would never be another day.  
  
So that's why I'm satisfied with the way things are. Because in our relationship, nothing is taken for granted. And our love…continues to grow. I had such a wonderful time today on the beach. I told you of what I'd do if I had more time. Thank you for listening to my dreams. But I've decided to not wish for things in the future, because then I would miss out on the present. And the present is so very good. I have you and your love, and I couldn't ask for more than that, nor would I even want to.  
  
Loving you more and more each day,  
  
Jamie  
  
But that letter speaks of the past. The day she wrote it is gone, and so is she. The memory remains though, and is stronger than ever. So is her presence. I feel her more and more everyday because with a new day, comes a new night, and it is then that I see her. She has filled so many of my dreams just like I knew she would. Some are happy, some are sad, and then there's the one I can't put my finger on. It's the one that I had right after away passed away.  
  
"The wind Landon…reach out and touch it…" Those were always her last words to me in the dream. Four years later, I still am not sure what they mean, but I'm going to find out. And there's only one place to do that…Beaufort, North Carolina. I'm going back there for more than one reason…to see my family…to give the Reverend an important gift, and to find my answer.  
  
The Reverend and I have become close over the past years. There's a great respect among us now. I'll be able to tell him that I got into medical school when I see him. That reminds me of the letter I got to read recently.  
  
The Day You Get Accepted into Medical School  
  
Dearest Landon,  
  
Let me start by saying how proud I am of you. I never doubted for a minute that you could make this come true. If I could be with you now, I would throw my arms around you and kiss you in excitement. The joy that is in my heart for you is overflowing, and my love is still so very strong. A smile comes to my face as I write this, years before it will actually happen. Just the thought of seeing your accomplished smile makes me feel so good inside. I wish so much that I could be there to share it with you, but I know I can't. I do know that I will be watching you from above. Hopefully the wind will blow in a special way so that you can feel my love for you. If you go back to Beaufort, I hope you will find your way back to our pier. Because it is there you will feel my presence the strongest. I'll be waiting for you.  
  
All my love,  
  
Jamie  
  
Yes, Jamie knew I could do it, even before I did. Not only did these words bring her closer to me, but it let me know what to do once in Beaufort. How could she have known that I would be searching for that clue? I know she didn't know that I would have that dream about her, but she did know that I would need her…still need her even after four years.  
  
As I pass the sign welcoming me into Beaufort, I feel a rush of feelings…ultimately a peace in being there.  
  
~  
  
I went to visit the Reverend. It felt so strange to be in that house again. When I left, I stood in the yard for a moment, and stared at the balcony. To most it's just a simple landing built of wood, but to me it is a place where memories of Jamie rest.  
  
For a brief moment I can see Jamie standing there, smiling down at me. I step forward, almost to somehow reach her, but she's gone. I shake my head, and head towards the pier. My feet clomp upon the old wood. I stand at the railing and look at the sunset. It's breathtaking. I think about Jamie. Her laugh, her smile, her faith…her love…the letters she wrote, and how much they have meant to me…the ones I may never read for they talk about me finding someone else, or becoming a father. Then I think about my dreams…the dream I can't figure out. Then again, maybe I already know the answer. My eyes close as I feel a light breeze. And there's my answer… in the wind.  
  
The End 


End file.
